Self-Care

Self-care During A Pandemic

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

I can’t believe what is going on in the world right now and 2020 has already been such a weird year. Most of us went into 2020 with New Year resolutions and goals with the excitement of a fresh slate to conquer anything. Obviously, none of us expected this pandemic to happen and most of us are really struggling with it. My hope for this post is to give you some self-care and self-love tips that you can use right now and carry with you afterwards in everyday life.

We are so used to staying busy with going out, being around friends/family, having a routine, and constantly being on the go. It is necessary for us to be productive and be on the go so we can financially afford to support ourselves and for our overall mental health. We love to plan ahead and know what the future holds or else it can cause some panic and anxiety. A lot of us are planners and love to have our weekend planned out, from going to brunch with friends or going to a concert. We are social creatures and we need others and crave that human touch. A lot of us do not have extra money saved up and we basically live pay check to pay check. Some of us are working still and are on the front lines like healthcare workers, grocery store clerks, and any essential businesses. Some people do long distance with a loved one and can’t travel to go see them. People have had to cancel their weddings, birthdays, and other important events. Some people have low immune systems and are terrified of getting sick. Some people are working for the airline and still having to travel with the worry of getting sick. Some people are new business owners and are terrified of losing their dream and their financial income. Some people have grandparents or parents who they love dearly and are terrified of them getting sick and the possibility of their immune system not being strong enough to handle the COVID-19 outbreak. A lot of mothers and parents are now home 24/7 with their children and are going mentally insane with everything. To the parents who are used to sending their kids to school and relying on the teachers to teach them and the school to feed them, they now have to think of things to occupy their children and have enough money to feed them. A lot of people have lost their jobs or are nervous they won’t have a job when this is all over. There are a lot of people who are currently at home alone and are struggling with depression. There are people who are already dealing with suicidal thoughts and now they are adding all this stress with wondering if they can afford things, and the fact of them being alone in their own head terrifies them. There are SO many fears right now and this is just a short list of them and the people struggling. There is so much unknown right now and it is leading to a lot of fear, worry, panic, depression, and isolation. I want you all to know that we recognize you and that it is okay to feel this way right now, but know that it will pass. Here are some tips that have helped me manage rough times and I hope these can help right now, and always.


Mental Health

For any of you already struggling with mental health issues I am sure this is just adding more stress onto you. I encourage you to talk to a therapist if you can. I know there a lot of therapist who will talk to you over the phone or even on Zoom. This can be great to have some extra support right now and someone to vent to. If you are struggling with suicide call: 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are there 24/7 and you can easily call them from your phone. If you are on medication remember to keep up with that and know that it is okay if you need to start medication right now during this. Writing in a journal can be great way to get your thoughts down on paper and release them. I encourage you to stay connected with people and get outdoors if you can.


Yoga & Meditation

This has helped me SO much in the last few weeks and in general. Yoga can be a great way to recenter and disconnect from the news and social media. If your new to yoga then this is a great time to start and in the comfort of your own home. If you don’t have a yoga mat then you can use a towel! There are so many free online classes right now that people are offering and I would definitely take advantage of it. Lately, I have been setting up my guest room with candles, Himalayan salt lamp, essential oil diffuser, and pillows and a blanket. If you can, you can make a little spot in your house so zen that you will feel like you are in an actual yoga class- or even better sometimes! Yoga is a great way to learn how to take deep breaths, relax your shoulders, and just be in the present moment. We are so used to constantly being on the go and moving that we hardly have time to check in with our thoughts. It can be difficult for a lot of people to stay still and really be in the moment. This can be a great time to practice this and feel safe in doing so. A lot of us are sitting on the couch and probably feel sore and blah from laying around, so yoga can be a great way to stretch out and move your body. I also love that there are so many live classes because you are doing the classes with others and so it helps you feel connected. Meditation is so important because it can really help recenter you and you can release any fear or worry you might be having.

  • Yoga with Adriene (Free on You-tube)
  • Lululemon work outs (Free on You-tube)
  • Check in with your local yoga instructors and see if they are offering any live classes right now. A lot of my favorite instructors have been teaching virtually and it has been amazing!
  • Tone it up (App-Free for 30 days and then after $12/month)
  • Ember Yoga (This is the yoga studio I work out and they are now offering live classes- check out their website)
  • Insight Timer (Meditation app)

Social Media

I know most of us are very attached to social media and with all this time on our hands we are scrolling more then ever. People are posting their opinions, some facts, fears, how they are enjoying this time, etc. This can be very hard on your overall mental health and it can sometimes cause more harm then good. If you are stuck inside and you are seeing people really enjoying this time then it can lead to anger. When we are constantly seeing sad things on social media then it can lead to feeling helpless and fear for our own life. We usually want to be in control of every situation and when we can’t control others then that can be very frustrating. I have really loved seeing the positive side of social media where people are sharing work outs, recipes, self-help tips, work out challenges, live concerts, and sharing different organizations or people to donate to right now. If you are really struggling mentally, then I would say take a quick break from social media and focus on the present. It is easy for me to get caught up in social media and I’ve had to really be more aware what I post lately. The last thing I want to do is make anyone upset or seem insensitive to other peoples situations. I think it is important now more then ever to really spread more positive messages on social media and to reach out to others who might be struggling. Although, know that it is okay if you are enjoying this time at home and you need to worry about yourself. Sometimes, I feel guilty because I have been enjoying this time because my Husband is finally home and I am lucky enough to have a back yard, rough over my head, food, and still have income coming in. I know that I have to see the positive because I struggle with depression and I don’t want to go down that path right now, or ever. If you are upset because you are sitting in your house complying and others are not, that is completely valid and I would urge you to send them a private message but be kind and do not lead with anger. Lets spread love and awareness but be kind the way you come about it. I am noticing a lot of anger coming out of fear and it is separating loved ones, and if anything we need to come together more then ever right now. Please be kind! Know that every state has different things in place and everyone has a different circumstance.


Face-time and Phone Calls

I have loved seeing so many people face-timing others and connecting with their friends. Most of us are social creatures and we are not used to being away from friends or family. Some of us live alone and are really struggling right now, and so it is very important to stay connected. Some people really struggle with even getting on the phone when they are depressed, so have compassion for those people and maybe send them a sweet text to check in on them. I have seen a lot of group face-times and even some people doing surprise birthday parties virtually. I have seeing A LOT of people go on Instagram live and staying connected. If being social is something you really need then this is a great time to catch up with your friends and family! Another great thing would be to go old school and mail someone a card or letter. I love writing cards and its such a great feeling receiving one!


Physical Health

This should always be important and a priority but with everything going on it should be even more important. I personally have hardly been drinking alcohol during this time because it doesn’t make me feel good, and when I am already anxious it can lead to more anxiety. I have a weak immune system and I get sick easily so it is important for me right now to stay healthy and strong. I have been making celery juice in the morning and fresh ginger, lemon ,and turmeric shots! This has been a great time to cook a ton of recipes and make healthy meals at home. Use this time to learn a new recipe and take a break from eating out. I’ve been making sure to go on walks in my neighborhood so I can physically feel good. When we look at screens for too long and are isolated inside it can be very hard on our body and mind. I encourage you to take vitamins and be very kind to your body right now.


Tackle the to-do list

Do you have a long list of things you’ve been putting off because you are so busy all the time? This can be a great time to go through your list or even make a list of things you want to get done. This can be a great time to organize your closet, file your taxes, clean the entire house (LOL), get rid of clothes to donate, work on the house, mow your lawn, write down some goals or dreams you have, write a book, read a book, work on your business plan, or anything else you have been needing to get done.


Spa Day at Home

How amazing does this sound!? This can be for men and women! Come on Men this is your time to relax and spend time with your girlfriend/wife and wind down.

  • Put a robe on or something comfy
  • Take an Epson salt bath with lavender
  • Face masks!
  • Cut some cucumber and put it on your eyes and lay down
  • Hair masks (you can even use lavender oil and coconut oil)
  • Spa music (Spotify, Insight Timer App)
  • Give each other massages

Get Creative

My best friend sent me a list of things she wants to learn and do. This is the time to learn the piano, a recipe, make a tik-tok, write a poem, paint, do a puzzle, sing, and tap into the creative side. I always miss being a kid and always doing something creative. I always felt so happy and content doing this, and as you get older we forget to do these things and we get caught up with being social and normal life demands. Use this time to finally try something you’ve been wanting to do and just be a kid again!


Give back

Do you know an elderly, disabled, or even a single mom who can’t go out to the store right now and get essentials? If you are healthy I encourage you to reach out to people, post on Facebook, text your neighbors and see if anyone needs extra assistance. Not only does this help someone else but it will also make you feel better for doing something good for someone. Right now a lot of Hospitals need face masks so you can get creative and make one if you know how to sew, or if you have one and don’t need it please donate to a local Hospital. If you are in a good financial situation help out local businesses and buy gift cards to use at a later time, or shop on their online store. You can donate food to local Food Banks because they really could use extra food to help people in need right now. Feeding America is a great source for food banks as well. You can volunteer remotely! I found an organization called Alone that you can have a companionship with the elderly remotely! You can also volunteer for the Crisis Hotline. You can donate blood with the Red Cross because there is a huge need for it right now.

Relax and do nothing

For some people this will be the only time off they will ever have and normally never get this time at home. My Husband is always traveling and working on the go. It can be difficult because we spend a lot of time apart and he always has a lot of projects he needs to get done at the house. I have really enjoyed being able to spend time with him and I really don’t know the next time we will get this much time. If you have hated seeing all these posts about work-outs and being productive and your sitting there eating a tub of ice cream and watching Netflix- THAT IS OKAY! Use this time to really catch up on sleep, rest, and take it easy! This is something that is essential and be thankful you have some time to really just chill. Do not compare your life to others and know that everyone’s journey is different.


Spread love

Most importantly, spread love to everyone right now and to yourself. Have compassion for yourself and know that you are doing the best you can do. Right now, a lot of people are struggling and have a lot of fears and so it is important to be aware and to spread positive messages and kindness. I know this can get annoying to see when you are feeling super down to see people being positive. I would always get so annoyed with my dad when he would say “THINK POSITIVE, BLAH BLAH,” when I was feeling super down and I just wanted him to be with me in my feelings and acknowledge them. Sometimes you just want to feel your feelings and be upset! That is OK! Just remember to not take it out on others and know that we are all in this together. I encourage you to start positive things on social media and see if there is anyway you can help others. It’s also okay if you are feeling happy right now and are enjoying this time! It is different for everyone so just have compassion for everyone. SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE 🙂

I hope this can help and I would love to hear some ways that help you! Please reach out if you have any questions or need any extra support. We are in this together and know this is temporary. If anything this is teaching us so much and resetting us. This is an opportunity to really look inward and heal yourself. This is a reminder that anything can happen so it is important to focus on what you can control and that is your thoughts. Self-care and Self-love are essential in everyday and maybe you will take what your learning during this time to life after the Pandemic.

Love & Light,

Tuscany

Anxiety · Mental Health · Panic Disorder · self-help · self-love

Anxiety & Panic Disorder

My story:

I have been so excited to speak on this topic because it is very special to me and I have quite a lot to say about it. Honestly, even though this post may seem like a lot- I have been through even more but by the time I tell you every single story I would have an entire book series. When I was younger I had no idea what anxiety or panic attacks were. I remember being fifteen when I had my first panic attack and I will never forget that moment. I remember feeling severe chest pain, excessive sweating, dizzy, and insane tunnel vision. I had no idea what was going on at the moment because I was so young and did not have that sort of awareness yet. This was after my grandparents who I lived with and helped raise me passed away one after another when I was starting Freshman year of High school. My dad decided to pick up and move us out of California and to North Carolina where it was cheaper. All of these huge life changes of losing my grandparents, moving, and leaving important relationships behind was very tough on a fifteen year old kid. I remember having several panic attacks my sophomore year of high-school but again, I had no idea what was going on. Shortly after living in North Carolina for a full month I moved back to California and lived with my sister. I basically told my parents I would kill myself if they kept me there with them. I was very behind in school and had to go to a continuation school in a not so great area of Orange County. I did not fit in there and felt scared most of the time. This is when depression set in and I started to go through A LOT of feelings this year. I was in a very toxic relationship with someone who was verbally and physically abusive. He would hold me down and choke me and hit my legs so people couldn’t see the bruises on my face. Force me to have sex when I didn’t want to…. I didn’t have parent supervision during this time since my parents were still in North Carolina and my sister was at work all the time. I would basically be able to do whatever I wanted and whenever. I remember wanting to be stoned so I wouldn’t have to feel what I was going through. I wanted to be completely numb to all of my feelings of fear, panic, stress, and anger. I was constantly sad and crying and I thought about killing myself regularly. I was also hanging around older people so I was introduced to a lot of different things during this time. Junior year came around and I got out of that toxic relationship by having to change my phone numbers, friends, and move from where I was living. The one thing that continued after that relationship was being on Xanax. I was introduced the previous year and I absolutely loved the way Xanax made me feel and I felt like I could handle anything when I was on it.

Senior year I started hanging out with the wrong crowds and was in another intense relationship. I also didn’t like going to school and had a lot of anxiety about facing other people. Soon after that I did independent studies which was only once a week. I graduated from a continuation school called Shores because of how behind I was in schoolwork. Thankful I graduated though! I didn’t like facing other people and having to explain to them why I was down it was really hard. I was very popular growing up and so I always felt like a lot of attention was on me and I had this image to be liked and be social. It started to become very draining being that person.

I got back together with someone from middle school who I loved a lot. He was sober at the time and I was trying to be as well. We loved each other and had a lot of great times together. Unfortunately, both of us were pretty broken and so as time went on and us being teenagers we fell into this toxic on and off relationship. A LOT of anxiety came from this relationship and created a lot of fear inside of me. The relationship really took a toll on me and many times he made me feel like I was worthless and that I would never be good enough. I lived with my mother again for a short time and that was a very toxic environment. We argued all the time and my mom was going through a lot of issues and had really bad mental health issues, and that is when the drinking started with her as well. I was constantly in survival mode and would stay at different friends houses or my boyfriends parents house. I remember having to sleep in my boyfriends car at times since his parents wouldn’t let me stay over because I had no where else to go. I never had stability and never knew when I was going to have to move, if I could afford rent, if my ex was going to leave me again, if my ex was going to upset me again, if my mom was going to be alive and well, and if my dad was going to recover from a quadruple bypass surgery or if him and I would have a relationship. Things started turning around when I was 18-19 and I moved to Santa Monica and started working for Red Bull. I met some really amazing people and this started to change my outlook on life. I felt confident and was around empowering women who lifted me up all the time. I was still dating that ex but this is when the cheating really begun and when he would cheat on me often and I would find out through his friends. He was in and out of trouble all the time so I was constantly on edge about getting a call from jail, or getting calls from his family to check how he was doing. He did a lot of really hurtful things to me that caused me a ton of anxiety and pain. A lot of verbal abuse happened in this relationship. He really tried to tear down my image of what people thought of me- but mainly he made me believe I was worthless and would never be good enough.

I will not say that I was perfect but when someone is that manipulating and puts you down, you start to believe it and then act out in certain ways for attention. Also, when you are already in such a low point in your life and don’t have self-esteem of course things are going to happen. He moved away and a few months later I followed him. I will spare all the details but he put me in a really terrible situation (I acknowledge that I did put myself there as well but still). Found out he was cheating on me, we got kicked out of the place were were staying and basically were homeless. I moved back in with my mom and had to sleep in the living room on a mattress and this was a really bad situation. My ex told his parents I stole their gas card (Even though he did- and had it the entire time and would fill up everyone’s gas tanks and trade it for money). So we were done- and I was always the one to blame! This put me in a really really dark space. He broke up with me, made his parents believed I was bad and crazy, and then I was back with my mother, and lost some really amazing friends since they didn’t agree with me moving there in the first place. I was very much in love with this person and the pain we kept putting each other through was really hard on me. Being in such a dysfunctional and intense relationship at that age really took a toll on me. I always just wanted to be loved but all I really knew was craziness and never had role models of a healthy relationship. My life was always crazy so that is exactly what I attracted into my life.

Shortly after this, “somebody” hacked my Facebook and put pictures up everywhere of me in lingerie. This was sent out to literally everyone. Family, co-workers, friends… and it was so humiliating. These photos were only for this one person- and I couldn’t believe this happened. It happened on my 20th birthday! It kept happening in and off and this was very traumatic for me. Being perceived to people as a “slut” or as someone who is worthless is a really terrible feeling. Especially when the one person you love is also telling you these things daily.

My anxiety was so bad that when I was 20 I ended up in the Hospital with stomach ulcers and a rash all over my body. I was so sick throwing up and basically pooping out a lot of blood and had to spend a week in the Hospital. I couldn’t hold down foods and was a complete wreck. I remember the Doctor being so shocked that I was only 20 but had ulcers. I knew why, because I was constantly stressing and on edge. It is crazy how connected our mind and body are! I didn’t have ways to manage my stress and I would hold a lot in. I didn’t have many people who understood me or good coping skills so it was really hard on me. When you are young and don’t understand these constant feelings of insecurity, instability, fear, and anxiety then it it easy to find ways to “not deal” with it. I would surround myself with people who partied and would go out and drink to forget how I was feeling. Sometimes I would drink too much and would end up blacking out. This led to a constant cycle of regret, fear, and non stop negative self-talk. This continued through my 20’s but I will spare you all the details but lets just say a lot of trauma happened.

I had a life altering experience happen to me about five years ago and that is when my anxiety got even worse. I will talk about this at a later post, but just know it was very traumatic and I have a lot of PTSD from it. This situation happened because of the build up of so much anxiety, panic, depression, self-doubt, and not feeling in control of my emotions and my life. I almost died in this situation and I will never forget that turning point of my life. This situation really opened my eyes and basically woke me up and kicked me in gear. After that, I moved to Georgia and moved away from the past in California. I was able to finally start dealing with all of these emotions and figure out why I was the way I was. I started to be very fearful of being in the car (because of a bad car accident), couldn’t be in party situations with previous friends, couldn’t be around certain people, and it was even hard to go into work some/most days. Even though I was away from all of my triggers, these feelings were still very much there and there was A LOT I needed to unpack and figure out.

In Georgia, we have a lot of thunderstorms and tornado warnings and scary weather situations give me extreme anxiety. I do not like situations that are out of my control and I have always been in survival mode. When you live in “fight or flight” mode for so long and you are just trying to survive- it is very hard to feel grounded and realize these fears are not in my control- but it is okay and I will be okay. I also notice there there has been many times my anxiety has been so bad about facing people when I feel down- and so I haven’t been able to go to work or complete daily tasks. It has been crippling many times… and that is when I call out “sick” but most of the time it is mentally sick… which usually isn’t as acceptable. This is why the past 6 months I’ve had to leave the corporate world and be in better jobs for my mental health.

There are a lot of situations till this day that I will have a huge panic attack over and I can’t handle life. I am constantly worried about losing the ones I love or something bad happening to them. I have been constantly worried about my parents even though it’s out of my control. I always want to control the outcome of situations, but when in reality I can only control how I respond to them. My husband travels a lot for work and I will obsess over if something happens while he is there. If I am going on a trip with girlfriends I obsess over every detail of what we are doing and I start to worry about how I will be able to handle these social situations. I have anxiety in my relationship/marriage now of whenever we would have a disagreement-if he was going to leave me. These are things that I was used to and conditioned to believe were okay. Understanding that this is not normal and to learn better ways to handle conflict. luckily, my Husband is so supportive and understanding. He knows about all of this and he has been a huge reason I have been able to heal and get better. He has loved me for me and he has treated me with so much respect, and is just such a loving and caring man. He makes me feel so confident and pushes me to be the best. I am so thankful I met such a wonderful man who I love so freaking much. He has helped me grow in so many ways.

What does Anxiety & Panic feel/look like?

FYI: I am not a Professional! These are the symptoms I have felt and personally go through. Please consult a Doctor to get evaluated 🙂

  • Over-analyzing
  • Over-reacting (You feel like you are- but do not put yourself down for this!)
  • Constant sweating
  • Constant worry of the future and past
  • Panic attacks
  • Obsessing
  • Anger
  • Frequent urination
  • High-blood pressure
  • Urge to drink water constantly
  • Feeling like you can’t breathe
  • A lot of “what if” questions
  • Hard to fall asleep, stay asleep, or sleeping too much
  • Crying
  • Taking everything personal all the time
  • Feeling not good enough
  • Feeling not in control
  • Restlessness
  • Nausea or stomach issues (mind and gut are connected)
  • Heart palpitations
  • Crying when under a lot of pressure
  • Indecisiveness
  • Having certain Phobias
  • Not being able to be around people (social anxiety)
  • Thinking of something bad happening
  • Asking a lot of questions because of the fear or what could happen
  • Living in regret
  • Isolation
  • Feeling guilt or shame

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY:

  • Don’t tell them to get over it
  • Don’t tell them not to worry
  • Don’t tell them they are freaking out for no reason
  • Don’t tell them they are creating their own reality with these worries
  • Don’t tell them they have nothing to worry about
  • Don’t tell them to chill out
  • Don’t tell them how they should feel
  • Don’t tell them “it’s no big deal”

Managing my Anxiety & Panic attacks

“Your Anxiety was your companion to survival when you needed it”- Athena

I will tell you right now that I am still working on it because it is something I will ALWAYS have to work on. This is apart of me and this will not just go away, BUT I have found ways to manage it and be able to live my life and not keep myself in my room all the time. My anxiety led to a lot of isolation and then that would lead to depression. I get very lonely and a lot of past emotions are stuck deep down inside of me. These mental illnesses are so intertwined because it is a chain affect. I would get anxiety about going out with my Dad but then the next day I would feel regret for not going, and be like “what if something happens to him” which that fear still is going, and then I would continue to not make plans with people, and then depression would set it. I would be sad that I wouldn’t see people I love and be upset at myself for not going. It was a constant cycle and I have started to acknowledge these feelings but accept them. It is okay if I don’t feel like going somewhere- and not to force myself to do things I don’t want to do. My intuition is so strong and anxiety is my intuitions way of telling me the situation is not good for me and to also honor when I am tired and need to stay home and rest. The people who love you should understand!

Therapy has been a huge help in me managing anxiety and I highly suggest it for people. I started with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which retrains your mind to go in a different direction. You discuss different situation and they give you the tools on how to understand why you are thinking a certain way, actually process it, and then change your way of thinking. I started going to therapy once a week for 4 years so believe me it really takes time and patience with yourself. I no longer hide these fears and I think it is very important to honor yourself and not put yourself in situations you do not want to be in. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH is important and if someone is a threat to that then you need to set boundaries or discontinue the relationship. I also started to cut out people who were bad for my mental health and only surround myself with people who I could be my true self with. For so long, I wanted all these friends and people to like me but now I’ve learned that I would rather have fewer friends who won’t judge me or make me feel less then. Being around people you can be honest with and who really love you is very important. When you have a great support system and ones who understand your mental health- then it really helps. I am so thankful for some of my friends because they know I have anxiety and so when I start to get anxious and ask a lot of questions- or if I disappear and don’t talk to them, they understand and will not cut me off for it. They will check on me and ask how I am doing and genuinely care about how I am. I have been practicing yoga for 10 years but let me tell you when I constantly go to yoga, then my anxiety and panic are a lot less. I feel a lot more confident and I can manage my stress better- so I highly recommend trying if you haven’t yet!

I know that I have went through a lot in my life and it all started at such a young age. I never had stability or people to count on when I needed them the most. I quickly got into bad relationships with people who I wanted to “complete me” and then would end up lowering my worth to people who did not deserve it. Always being in survival mode and having to just continue to make money to pay bills and to survive really took over my life. I wasn’t able to just be a kid and always had to be the responsible one for MYSELF to survive. I was a parent to my own parents when I needed parents the most. This is why I wasn’t able to truly process what I have been through and why so much built up. Even though I have stability now in my life and my own house- I still unintentionally have fears and things I worry about. When you use anxiety to survive most of your life then you are used to those ways of handling/ thinking about situations. I am so thankful now that therapy has given me the tools to finally deal with these things and to completely transform my life. I have more acceptance when it comes to my parents, and am starting to learn that they had their own issues they were dealing with. They loved me but they both had depression and other issues and it was difficult for them to even love themselves. I think when we start to have compassion for people and start to understand why they do or don’t do things, then we can actually learn forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt not having them there for me when I needed it, or that I didn’t need more structure from them- or that certain relationships that treated me badly didn’t freaking hurt to my core (or that I’m making excuses for them) but in order for me to heal it is about forgiveness and having empathy for others. I have truly forgiven my ex for all of the hurt and we’ve actually had discussions about things at an older age and I feel a lot of closure and I use it as a learning experience. I’m thankful for these experiences because it’s made me who I am today. I am starting to listen to myself more and be grateful for all of these experiences. I know what is best for my life and SO DO YOU. I have forgiven myself for putting myself in bad situations and lowering my standards. I have forgiven myself for being a certain way and not treating myself good. Never let anyone tell you how to handle your life or that you don’t deserve greatness, because you DO! I am very grateful for all of the challenges because now I am able to help others and share my stories.

What helps my Anxiety?

(FYI, I am now an Affiliate with Amazon! All of my recommendations will be highlighted as a link. Click that link and it will go directly to the product I recommend from Amazon)

  • Knowledge of anxiety- and knowing the symptoms and how to overcome them
  • Therapy
  • Mindfulness
  • DBT workbook: Click on that for the direct link to Amazon. This gives you a bunch of exercises and teaches you mindfulness and what your triggers are/ and how to overcome them
  • Yoga (helps sooo much!)
  • Meditation: There are a lot of great apps out there! I love Insight timer
  • Journals. Here are some I recommend, Zen as F*ck: A Journal for Practicing the mindful art of not giving a Sh*it, The Anxiety Journal, Present, Not Perfect: A Journal for slowing down, letting go, and loving who you are, The Mindfulness Journal for Anxiety:Daily prompts and practices to find peace
  • Diet adjustments- Whenever I eat clean and healthy I have less anxiety and feel a lot better. Too much fast food and salt make me feel worse
  • Less Caffeine: I have switched to matcha green tea or pure green tea
  • Check out my website with Arbonne (click this link to go directly to my site and purchase) I LOVE the energy fizz sticks and they don’t give me anxiety after drinking them
  • CBD Oil: I am an affiliate with this brand click the CBD oil link to go directly to the product
  • Herbal remedies: St John’s Wart, Magnesium, Valerian root, L-Theanine, B Complex, Ashwagandha, Melatonin, Fish oil
  • Probiotics: The gut is very connected to your mind…healthy gut/healthy mind 🙂 Grass fed Collagen Peptides with Type 1 & 3 Probiotics from Garden of Life
  • Take baths! Dr. Teal Epsom salt soaking solution Lavender
  • Essential Oils! I love lavender oil and I keep a diffuser next to my bed when I sleep and one at my desk
  • Weighted blankets if you get anxiety at night time
  • Medication: I had to use medication like SSRI’s for awhile which help with anxiety and depression, sleeping medication, & medication for panic attacks (Please discuss with a professional about this)
  • Support groups: There are so many support groups online. I love Peak of Panic. I am in a group me with 300 others and you can talk about how you are feeling that day- and share stories and share tips to others. Follow her on Instagram and ask to join her group
  • Being more assertive: Speak up about your boundaries and expectations for others. Let people know your triggers and how you feel about certain things. This has helped me a lot!
  • Get enough sleep
  • COLD RAGS! When I have a panic attack and get really hot..then I love getting a rag and making it wet and putting it either on my forehead or back of neck…it really soothes me
  • List your fears and put them in order. Least to worst: and explain why these are your fears? It is nice to have it down on paper to really see what is going on
  • Have a good support system of people you can trust and rely on
  • A schedule: Having a schedule really helps me but I can’t overwork myself or else I get too stressed and my anxiety builds up
  • Time management: Give yourself an extra 15 min in the morning to wake up. Whenever I rush out the door then my anxiety doubles and I start to get angry
  • Don’t put yourself in situations you don’t want to be in: YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not doing something
  • When having a panic attack: Take control of your breathing and start counting to 50. Keep your mind focused on your breath. Breathe, touch, and smell. Use your basic senses and use whatever you have to get your mind to focus on that- instead of the worry
  • Walking: Walking at least 4-5 times a week has helped me so much. Being out in nature really calms my mind and exercise is really good for anxiety
  • Do not drink: I know whenever I drink alcohol it makes me feel worse and can lead to a lot of anxiety
  • Make lists of what you need to get done
  • Set time out of everyday to take at least 5-10 minutes to be with yourself and breathe
  • Have compassion with yourself

Books I recommend:

Clink the links to go directly to Amazon to purchase

I believe in you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I really hope that my story can help you feel less alone in this. I am always here if you need extra support or have any questions. You are not alone in this and you can manage this with the right help. Do not be afraid to ask for help! Speak up to people and let them know what you are going through. Take deep breaths. Also, I would love to hear from you and your experiences with anxiety. I am here if you want to share your story! 🙂

Love & light,

Tuscany

long-distance · loving yourself · marriage tips · self-love

Practicing Self-Love while in a partnership

I feel like this topic is very important and I want to show the ups and the downs of being away from your partner. I hope to show you ways that have helped me to cope with it and to look at the positive side of it. Even if you are not personally in this situation this will be great learning of self-love and how to love yourself and be okay on your own even when you are in a committed relationship. Too often we rely on our partner for our essential happiness, but once we lose that relationship then we completely fall apart. What if we could fall in love with ourselves instead? What if we put the love into ourselves that we freely give to others? I have learned that you must love yourself first no matter what. This doesn’t mean it is easy to do and I feel like it is something you have to work on constantly, but it is very necessary.

My husband has a job that requires a lot of travel and sometimes he will be gone for a week, two weeks, or even up to a full month. Sometimes these jobs are international which creates a huge time difference and that can make it difficult to be able to talk often. He isn’t the best with technology like calling or texting so that makes it even harder sometimes. He has had this job since the beginning of our relationship so I knew what I was getting into, but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t hard to accept. When you first date someone you want to spend all of your time with them right? You are so excited and this is when the momentum needs to continue in order for the relationship to keep going. At the time, he was my boyfriend and we dated for 2 weeks before he had to go out on a long job. He went overseas and I remember us texting all the time and it is so exciting, but I missed him. Some time passed by and he continued to travel and some jobs were harder than others. A few months in, I started to doubt the relationship because we would spend time apart and my mind would go crazy. I wondered if he wanted to be with me or if I was good enough, and if I would ever have someone who truly loved me and wouldn’t leave. In my head, he was physically leaving and even though it was for a job I still had these self-doubts and felt like I was being completely left. This comes from a long line of trauma and past experiences. I was so scared to lose this, and in previous relationships, I spent all of my time with them so that is what I was used to. I would spend every minute with them and my identity was them, and when things went south in that relationship I felt completely broken inside. I felt broken for years and it is something I still struggle with having that self-love. From a young age, I felt like a partner completes you and that love is everything. This really sets people up to fail because we think that someone else is responsible for our own happiness, and when that doesn’t happen then we are completely destroyed.

          All of these doubts and lack of self-love have gone into every relationship and every dating experience I have. I always just wanted to be loved and focused so hard on that. The thing is, with him traveling it actually forced us to have hard conversations and to openly communicate about how we were feeling. This is something that was new to me and felt so amazing. I felt like, wow this person isn’t going to leave me and he actually wants to talk through it and work through it? I was so confused! I was so used to breaking up, getting back together, and relationships just being pure CHAOS. We were forced to work hard at it and to work at it every day and we quickly learned a lot about one another. I think the time apart for us was really good for our relationship and it set a strong foundation for us to build on.

          Time went by and we ended up getting married and so you would think all the insecurities would be out the window, right? It is not like I have ever been worried about him being with anyone else, it is more just trying to live day to day life without him. This past year he left for a month on an international trip, and let me tell you this was one of the hardest months of my entire life. I was feeling so down and got into a deep depression. The one person I needed couldn’t be there physically, and because of the time difference, we hardly were able to talk. All of my insecurity came back and I felt completely alone, and was so mad thinking is this how it is going to be forever? I can’t do this by myself and I don’t want to. I was so down that I was even suicidal….. and that is so scary! These feelings were rooted in years and years of feeling alone and unworthy. I went back to feeling alone in life, and that I will always be alone. Even though I have this amazing husband out working his butt off for US and our life, and I am sitting here feeling completely lifeless because I am alone. When he would come home, I would want to spend all my time with him that I wouldn’t even want to leave the house to go to yoga, or dinner with my dad. This is something that I had to work on as well because I have to keep living my life even when he is here. Another thing that is hard is that we have missed each other birthdays, big events, Valentine’s day, and other things because of his traveling. That makes it very hard and I can’t express some of the sadness I have felt during those times. Sometimes I think…”I finally have this amazing guy and love, and enjoy him so much but can’t fully have him around all the time.” This was a really hard concept for me, and sometimes still is.

          After this experience, I started to have a lot of realizations that have completely saved me and saved us in a relationship. While he was gone and when he is home, I started living my life. I started going to yoga more, making more friends, creating a routine, and focusing on me. I realized he can not be my sole purpose and happiness. He brings so much happiness and love to my life, just like I am sure your partner does but it doesn’t mean they should be your entire happiness. That is so unrealistic and it really sets you up to start feeling so alone and in a situation like I was in. I can write this now and say how much happier I have been with myself and in general. I have found ways to cope with him being gone, and I have started to look at the bright side of things. I am not saying it is easy, or ever will be because I love him and miss him but I am saying I can survive and thrive on my own as well. He is about to leave again for a month and I have so much anxiety even thinking about it, but I know I will be okay because I have done it before and I will continue to do it and survive.

          I think this is important for anyone to do even if their partner doesn’t travel. So often, I hear when my friends tell me their partner is going out of town for a few days and they feel like they can’t survive or don’t know what they will do with themselves. I am like I HAVE BEEN THERE; I GET IT! Although, I hope that everyone can enjoy the time on their own and have fun with it. YOU CAN SURVIVE without another person, and you can enjoy it too. I think movies like Romeo and Juliet have screwed up our generation, and all of the other love movies of people not being able to like to breathe without the other person. This is for you single people out there too! ENJOY this time by yourself and if you really focus on loving yourself, then the right partner will come by and one who will truly love you. If you love yourself, everything else falls into place.

          He and I don’t have children yet so I know that will be a completely different story and one of the reasons we have waited to have kids. I am terrified of having a child and him being gone a lot, especially because I don’t have too much support here in Georgia. I do however have a very highly active and crazy dog so I have gotten a taste of what it would be like, and it is really hard. It is really hard because you start to get momentum in the relationship and have a routine and then the routine is all over the place once the traveling starts. Accept this and continue to do what you need to do even when they are gone.

          The thing I want everyone to take away from this is that please make yourself happy first no matter what. If you can’t make yourself happy then nobody else can, and you will set such high expectations and get let down every time. I promise you the relationship will do so much better if you both have that sense of independence and security. I can’t believe after 15 years of trying to figure this out, that I finally am understanding it. I think this is why this situation was put in my life so I could work through it, and realize the person that I have needed this whole time, was myself.

          If this is something you are struggling with, I am here to talk, but in the meantime, here are some tips to cope that have helped me!

How to Thrive On Your Own

  • DATE YOURSELF! Take yourself on a date and get dressed up. Even cook yourself dinner at home and add some wine and enjoy
  • Keep yourself busy!
  • Therapy- Therapy helps me a lot with this
  • Take care of yourself! Pamper and nurture yourself. Go to yoga, baths, walks, face masks, or whatever else you enjoy
  • Hang out with friends and family! This made a huge difference for me. I started to meet more people and reach out more and it has helped to not be alone constantly
  • Enjoy your time alone and love being with yourself
  • If you are missing the intimate time- then please yourself! Hello, that’s what vibrators are for!
  • Create and get creative- do a project or do something that you can spend time doing and something you enjoy
  • Clean, organize and knock things off your to-do list
  • Binge-watch all your favorite shows and enjoy
  • Get involved- for me Soulful Sunday this event my friends put on has helped me have a sense of community and people to rely on and trust. If you need the church, or any kind of community get together
  • Take this time to make phone calls and catch up with friends and family (especially for me since I am a long-distance from them)
  • Go on a road trip! Take a trip by yourself and enjoy the heck out of it
  • Write about how you feel and get it all out and on paper
  • Learn new recipes and cook more
  • Try out new work out classes
  • Read a new book

How to THRIVE in your relationship from a distance

  • Write letters and put it in their luggage so they can read at different times. Every year on Valentine’s day I write my husband a ton of “open when” letters. He has ones that he can open when he is sad, misses me, stressed out, needs a laugh, needs some love, needs a funny story, etc. I will fill them with pictures of us, and even some coupons he can use when we see each other. This shows your partner how much you care, and it goes a very long way
  • Discuss your needs with your partner and make sure they know what you expect so you can be on the same page
  • Understand that your partner is there for work and not for fun- and he will be exhausted and he can’t always talk (this was a hard thing for me to learn) but for the one who is traveling to understand your side of it too, and to listen to you and be empathetic
  • Spend quality time when they are home
  • Be open and honest about how your feeling so you don’t build up resentment
  • Know that this will not last forever- and it is to better your future and your relationship
  • Make sure to keep the romance alive and send flirty texts!
  • Call when you say you’re going to call- and make sure you see that time as important
  • Trust your partner
  • Continue to express your love for one another
  • Travel with your partner if you get the chance to
  • My husband sucks at technology, but for the ones that are better at it I feel it is important to schedule skype dates
  • Don’t feel like you have to talk 24/7 because that is unrealistic. Appreciate the small convos even if they are short and once a day
  • Go to the airport and pick them up! Even though the airport is about an hour away I enjoy being there when he returns- and enjoy dropping him off. That is the extra time I get to spend with him and he appreciates that I am there
  • Realize that you still have your partner, even from miles away and appreciate that you have a hard worker and someone who loves you

I really hope this helps and if you have any questions please reach out! If I can do this, I know that you can too and I have faith in your journey. Thank you for reading and taking the time to support me because it truly means the world.

Love and light,

xoxo

Tuscany

Depression · Mental Health · self-help

Fighting the Darkness of Depression

I have been wanting to talk about this topic for a while, and I have also got quite a few requests on how I cope with it. I wish I could say “overcame” it but I am still dealing with it off and on, and as I write this, I have been in a down spot so it has been difficult to even start writing about it.

Depression is such a heavy word and to people who don’t deal with it or know much about it, they may think it looks like someone who looks very sad or down. Not true! There are a lot of times I have been depressed but I have posed for photos smiling and posting acting like everything is great. Sometimes we are trying to fool even ourselves, and want the world to think everything is okay. We also don’t want to come off like we are complaining or not being grateful. People want to see the highlights on social media and want to see the happy photos, right? Although, I am learning through this journey the more open I have been about feeling depressed- I have connected on such a deeper level with people. Once I started stepping into who I am and sharing that with the world, and not being ashamed of it is when I started to get my control back and started to give myself more grace. Not saying my “identity” is being a depressed person, because no it is not. It does not DEFINE me, but it is apart of who I am and I have accepted that.

What does depression look like on me (& maybe the same for you)

  • Overload on social media to get attention
  • Ignoring people for days
  • Not being able to talk on the phone
  • Lying in bed & zoned out for days
  • Hard to connect with others, but longing a deeper connection
  • Wanting to go out and have a social life, but feeling too down to face other people
  • Can’t focus on work, school, honestly on any daily tasks
  • All over the place with emotions
  • Days that are very HIGH and you feel very excited, motivated, inspired, and share a lot- but then come down off that and feel isolated and alone
  • Buying things (online shopping) to make yourself feel better at that moment
  • Constantly looking back at the past
  • Eating fast food, or indulging a lot of food that feels good for that second-for some not eating
  • Binge drinking, and going out when you are upset
  • Excessive guilt and blaming yourself
  • Shaming yourself and speaking badly of yourself
  • Sitting in the bath and listening to very sad songs
  • Thoughts of harm to get rid of the pain
  • Feeling exhausted
  • Feeling like a dark cloud is constantly over you and you are trapped

My story:

 My depression started when I was a freshman high school but at the time, I had no idea that’s what it was. I remember always listening to sad music and watching sad movies to sit there and cry. I would actually crave this kind of sadness, almost like I started to become obsessed with being sad or down. I always longed for “more” and would get into this fantasy world, instead of being present in the world I had in front of me. There were many factors of why I was depressed, so my feelings were completely valid, but I did not channel this energy correctly at the time. What’s the correct way anyways? I would drown the pain being surrounded by the wrong crowds, smoke, pills, drinking, unhealthy relationships. I didn’t know how to process my emotions; all I knew is that I had a lot of emotions. I was always (and still am) known for being very open about my life, and to some people that can be a lot. I used to be too much for people and I used to think that was a flaw of mine, and that I needed to stop sharing so much of myself. I felt so judged and felt embarrassed about who I was. I didn’t want people knowing my mistakes or knowing that part of me that made bad decisions because she was hurting. At that young age, a lot of my friends didn’t understand this kind of deep hurt. They were just regular high school people and trying to live it up and have fun. They were worried about what college they were going to go to, and I was just hoping I made it through another day. I was so envious of this and felt jealous of their lives. I would constantly compare and get mad at myself for how my life was.

“Comparison is the theif of joy.”

I started to hold a lot in and not deal with feelings, and just act like everything was okay. I remember always feeling so exhausted every morning and not being able to talk to people. Going into work and everybody would be bubbly and talkative, and it would give me anxiety to even have conversations with people. Sometimes I would call out of work because I could not face dealing with people in general. I did not want them to see me down, and I felt like it was written all over my face. I stopped wanting to share things with people because I stopped trusting others, and started feeling like I had to be more selective. I felt like people could use it against me, and I did not want them knowing I was weak. I was always a “social butterfly” from a young age, and I wanted to keep that up but so much was going on that I was really losing myself throughout this sadness. For so long, I had to be strong and to continue to survive. I was always in survival mode and that weighed very heavy on me. This is a lot for someone in their teens and twenties to deal with, and it starts to catch up on you.

With my image, I didn’t want to feel like I always had issues or “drama” because didn’t want people to not want to be around me. I know it can be intense to hear things all the time, and you don’t want others to worry about you. I learned this from being on the other side of worrying about someone with depression and hearing about situations a lot. Depression heavily runs through my family and I have seen A LOT of hardships.

At times I would feel like a bad friend for not going and hanging out, or not calling someone. Luckily, I have found a great support system that understands me, and I have been able to tell them these things and now I don’t feel as bad. I definitely have my moments though! I do have moments of feeling crazy, like why am I feeling this way when I have a roof over my head, food, loving husband, friends, family, and I AM HEALTHY AND ALIVE. I feel like I come off ungrateful since I do have so much, and then I say well some people have it WAY worse than me, so why am I sitting here sobbing? Yes, people do have it worse, but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid and true. Honor those feelings and acknowledge them! When you are going through something, it is very real for you and so do not feel bad for feeling that way.

My depression got really bad before I moved to Georgia and I was going out more, and using tactics to “not deal with it.” I was making bad decisions and felt so exhausted from these feelings for so long. I started to feel super depressed again while living in Georgia because I felt very alone. It always goes back to that feeling of being alone, feeling lonely, lack of connection, guilt over the past, and comparing myself to others and their progress in life. It started to get to the point where I couldn’t go to work or do normal activities. I felt like I was always looking backward and into the past and living there. I would constantly go through old photos, post old photos, and would wish things could be different. This is when I knew I needed professional help, and I was so scared to get it but I was more scared to keep living in these thoughts.

How therapy helped and gave me the tools to heal

I was actually really proud of myself for getting professional help, and for those of you listening do not be ashamed if you do! That is a sight of strength. I have learned it is okay to ask for help, and that I do not need to keep living my life this way, and it is time to rise above. Therapy is where it started and wow that has changed my life. First, I tried Cognitive behavioral therapy which is a psycho-social intervention that aims to improve mental health. It focuses on challenging and changing unhelpful cognitive distortion’s and behaviors, improving emotional regulation, and the development of personal coping strategies that target solving current problems. I would go into therapy and tell her current situations going on, and she would help me change the way I think about them and the way I react. It was about training my brain to change my “usual” response and to rewire it to a healthier response. These tools helped me a lot! I started to be able to communicate my feelings more and be able to understand myself better. I realized I am not crazy, and that there are reasons why I think this way. I stopped going to that therapist and saw another and it was more basic therapy that worked better for me. I loved the tools from the first, but never be afraid to switch therapist if the one you have isn’t working for you! I love the one I have now and have seen her for three years. She has helped me understand things on such a deeper level, and it is crazy how much comes from our past, and how we are used to handling things. She has been able to really help me work through past stuff and find the strength to create boundaries and loving relationships that will last and to mainly love myself and to not be so hard on myself. My feelings and experiences were very valid and so are yours!

Psychiatry experience

My therapist recommended seeing a Psychiatrist for me to get on medication and this is when a whole new world started. For those of you curious about these appointments, they are an EXPERIENCE, to say the least. I went to my first appointment, and there is a student in school who is the assistant asking me over 100 questions and to rate my feelings about topics on a 1-5 scale. This is so scary because you almost don’t want to be honest about your suicidal thoughts, so you don’t get committed on a 72-hour hold, and you also don’t know how you truly feel. It is a weird experience, and there is no in-between or being able to explain the reason you feel this way. It is based on numbers, facts, and way different than therapy. Then, I met with the nurse and talked to her about my situation, and then the Doctor came in for like 1 min and handed me my prescriptions. It is very business-like and not a “feel good” experience. I left there with 4 prescriptions, and was more terrified than ever! At the time I was planning a wedding, dealing with my husband traveling for work, personal issues, and working and school full time. I needed these meds in order to handle all of this, honestly.

My medication journey

I started my journey with anti-depressants, sleeping meds, and two different anxiety meds. It was very hard because you can’t drink on them, and not like I drink much but the occasional wine I had to be very careful about. Then the weight gain started and this really made me mad! I kept wondering why I couldn’t lose weight, and it made sense because I was on so many medications. The anti-depressant I was on was an SSRI that have fewer side effects than past anti-depressants. For those who don’t know, SSRI is Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and increase the level of the neurotransmitter serotonin by limiting its reuptake into the presynaptic cell, which increases the level of serotonin in the synaptic cleft available to bind to the receptor. Basically, it increases your level of serotonin and makes more available to pass further messages between nearby nerve cells.

I will say medication truly saved my life and helped me connect more to people again. I was able to make phone calls, hang out with people, go to work, work out, and have a healthy relationship with myself. I would highly recommend medication to anyone who thinks they need help and do not feel ashamed for doing so!

Getting off anti-depressants

A few years later, I got to a point where I wanted my body to be more natural and to let go of all the meds. I felt happy and in a better place so thought I could do it. You are supposed to slowly wing of anti-depressants and I did and followed all orders. Although, it was one of the hardest things I ever went through last year. I was having brain zaps, out-of-body experiences, depression, anxiety, fatigue, hard to connect with others, and basically, all my symptoms came back. I thought I was never going to be the same and thought this would never end. During this time, I highly suggest you eat really healthy, get a lot of sleep, and make sure to have people you trust to watch you and support you. Continue therapy because I think that is one of the main things that got me through it. I still take meds to help me sleep, because at night is when I get super anxious and start thinking about so many different topics. I think of things I need to get done, things I have been lacking on, and just things in general. My mind races and I can’t turn it off, and so the sleeping meds and have helped me so much. When I get good sleep then I can be functional the next day, and it also helps me with my depression. After a very LONG 5 months winging off these meds, I started to feel back to normal. Although, I still have very big highs and low lows so I am never against going back on them if I need them.

The Silver Lining

I started being more grateful for my flaws, and for my journey. My heartaches, setbacks, and pain are what has made me a stronger person, and someone who has a story to tell. Through my stories I have been able to help others, and that is something I have always wanted to do but didn’t know-how. I would try to help others see the good in them because I saw their potential, even when they didn’t. That can be very draining and exhausting! This also put me in very toxic relationships of trying to be a “fixer,” when really, that person needs to work on themselves and I can support and love them for who they are. The real energy needs to go into me and worrying about that. It doesn’t mean you are being a bad person, and it is okay to be selfish. Selfish always sounds like a bad word, but YOU NEED TO BE. You need to put yourself first, because if you don’t take care of you then you can’t have loving relationships with others. I am still working on this, but I can say that I have overcome a lot. I have found healthier ways to cope with and actually deal with my emotions. I try not to avoid what I am feeling, but the most important lesson I can give you from my experience is…..

“It is OKAY to feel down, feel your feelings, but do not stay in them”

This was a very hard lesson for me to learn, and I still struggle with it. I think when I would sulk for too long, and continue that sad playlist then I would stay down and in this endless cycle that I could not pull myself out of. I have to put on upbeat music and have to do more things that light my soul on fire, and that inspires me. I have to do more things for me, and do things that make me feel confident, happy, and alive! Your feelings are valid and I hope this post makes you feel less crazy and less alone in your feelings.

“Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness”

What has helped me fight the darkness

  • Don’t do things you don’t wanna do & don’t feel GUILTY for not going
  • When you are exhausted learn to rest and not be hard on yourself for doing so
  • Do activities that make you feel happy
  • Therapy: CBT, DBT, or regular mental health help
  • DBT workbook: From Amazon, it is a workbook that gives you exercises for learning mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation & distress tolerance
  • Getting out into nature
  • Medication(Seek out professional help for this and do research)
  • Showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth! (These simple tasks can even be difficult when feeling down)
  • Less drinking and going out. Alcohol is a depressant and it is easy to drink the worries away, but it can end up bad if you go out in that mindset
  • More me time (Self-care)
  • Yoga
  • Opening up about my depression and talking about it, and to talk to people when I feel down and get support
  • Having people you can trust and talk to
  • Creating boundaries
  • Vitamins and herbal supplements
  • Don’t look back at the past, use it as a learning experience and make peace with it.
  • Focus on the PRESENT 🙂
  • Essential oils: Lavender and Frankincense oil are amazing combos! (I always have a diffuser by my bed and in my office) I also spray lavender on my pillow before bed to help me calm down and relax before sleeping
  • Meditation: Apps I use are; Headspace, Insight Timer, Simple Habit, & Mindbliss
  • Journaling: This is very healing and feels good to let things out and down on paper
  • Having my dog helps me get out of bed and forces me to get outside for walks- which can be difficult but ends up helping my mood overall
  • Eating healthier: The body and mind are connected and we store a lot of stress in our gut, and that can lead to stomach issues and more.
  • Connecting with other like-minded people
  • Self Help Books: *The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, *YOU ARE A BADASS by Sincero, *10% Happier by Dan Harris, *Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
  • A fun/uplifting playlist (Spotify has ones based on mood)
  • Allowing yourself to feel sad and acknowledging the emotions, working through them, but not staying in that down mindset
  • Forgiveness (Forgive yourself and others)
  • Have compassion for yourself and be thankful for all you’ve overcome
  • My grandma Duffy taught me to put makeup on and get dressed because when you look good you feel good- and feel more confident

You got this

I just want to say if you are struggling right now with depression you are not alone, and you will overcome this. I hope these tools will help and I hope my story will help you feel less alone. There are so many resources so do not go through this on your own. You are loved, valued, and seen. By the way, I am not a professional so this is all based on personal experience and what I have learned along the way.

Sending love and light

XOXO

Tuscany

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