Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Let’s talk about body image and self-love…

I feel like almost everyone can relate to it. Constantly, we will be browsing on social media and see images of people looking perfect and being successful doing so. We have started to think beauty means success and if we are beautiful then we will have what they have. These images make it very hard to be your full self because you start to want to become them. The Instagram models, the Kardashians, the Hadid sisters, etc. This puts an idea in our heads that we need to be that way and if we aren’t then we aren’t beautiful. This has been very hard on me because I haven’t been able to make it to the “perfect” model body image. When I was in High School I was always in shape and really didn’t worry too much about size. College came around and I feel like that is when social media like Instagram really changed everything. I had very low self-esteem in general and it was really hard for me to believe I was great or beautiful. I remember growing up and my grandparents constantly praising me on how great I was. They made me feel so special and I felt very loved and important. High School came around and they passed away and I didn’t have someone telling me these things anymore. Sometimes people don’t even have that praise as a kid, and can you imagine how hard that is on someone’s self-esteem? Who we are around constantly like our family, friends, teachers, classmates, and anyone else who is directly around has a huge impact on us without even realizing it. I started to seek validation from men or friends and started to develop my self-worth based on what others thought. If someone told me I was beautiful I honestly wouldn’t believe them and thought they were being fake.

This cycle was very up and down and it got worse in my 20’s and I started to really think I wasn’t worthy of love. I remember wanting love so badly but for some reason the people I dated never wanted long term and I remember that making me feel like something was wrong with me. I started attracting men or BOYS basically since they weren’t mature enough haha but I started to attract ones who weren’t the best for me. When we view ourselves poorly then we will attract what we think we deserve.

Once I moved to Georgia in 2015 I still had the same feelings of wanting to be loved and finding someone. I remember this being so hard and my self-love was still not there. I started going to therapy and shortly after was recommended to a Psychiatrist to get on medication for depression and anxiety. My depression was really bad when I first moved to Georgia and so I knew that I had to try whatever I could to make it through. I tried anti-depressants, anxiety meds, medication for panic attacks, and sleeping medication. I was still taking birth control so basically I was on five different pills every single day. All of these medications has a huge impact on my body and I know that’s when my body started changing (Along with getting older). I met my now Husband and I remember him thinking I was like a goddess. He was so genuine about it and you can tell he truly thought the world of me. Finally, a good guy who I actually like really sees me and thinks I’m amazing. See there I go again with needing that validation from someone in order to believe it myself. Well he did a great job making me believe it and I just fell so in love with him! He still to this day makes me feel beautiful but he sees me in a deeper light then just what’s on the outside. I know he had a huge impact on the way I started viewing myself and I know with his help it has helped me let go of past bad cycles.

My depression started to get a lot better a few years later and the medication was really working. Although, my weight slowly creeped up on me and it was becoming harder to keep my slim figure.

I was very healthy and eating very clean and not going out and partying. I was healthier then I was before and I was walking every single day. Why did I start to gain so much weight? I went through so many things ….I thought I possibly had PCOS? I had other symptoms of this and called my Doctor and told them and they said we would have to do a lot of tests to see if that was true. I still need to follow up on that and that is my advice that so many other things could be going on with your body! I was tested for low thyroid but that was in normal range. My blood pressure on the other hand was really high about 170/90 and so I knew something was going on with my health. I couldn’t figure it out but in my head, I thought it was because of all the medication so I was determined to get off everything. I stopped taking my anti-depressant and my birth control. I continued my meds for when I have panic attacks and for sleeping but that was it. I started an extreme diet and being very restrictive with what I was eating and slowly started losing some weight. I went from 155 to 142 and I was so thankful to finally be under 150. I had a really hard time and I was very depressed during this time mainly because I was off my medication but also because I was going through a lot of crazy life changes.

In September, I had a really dark moment and that is when I wish I was still on my medication so my thoughts would be more stable and I wouldn’t have gotten in such a dark state. Why did I care more about being thin and skinny then about my mental health? I thought if I was skinny then I would be happy and be loved by people. Even though I was very much loved and I have a Husband who thinks I am the most beautiful women alive, but yet I am still sitting there thinking I look terrible. No matter how much he has told me over the last few years and for moments it did truly help- but then time goes on and if we still haven’t worked on learning to love yourself then these issues will always arise. I was always surrounded by friends who are thinner then me and then I see celebrities and influences always looking great and successful and so of course I want to be like all of them. I would sit there on my phone and scroll for hours and just get sucked into what everyone else was doing. There was times where I wouldn’t even want to go out with friends because my confidence was at an all time low. I would try on 20 different outfits and it felt like nothing fit or looked right on me. This defiantly led to a dark depression and I started to compare myself to everyone else. I have always had a bigger belly and for some reason I get bloated very easily and that has made me feel very self-conscious. I started obsessing over my weight and over everything I was doing. This became really unhealthy and it makes me sad that I worried that much about it.

I don’t think I will ever be 120 pounds and a size 0-2 like I used to be, but if anything I am healthier and that is what means the most to me. I do not party as much, I get enough sleep, take vitamins, eat the right food, and take care of my mind and my body. I am starting to realize that I am not 22 anymore and I am almost 30 so no wonder my body is changing. I walk everyday and do yoga so I have built a lot of muscles and that is why the scale says that number. I also have stopped weighing myself because I feel like that can be a slippery slope to go down. I used to weigh myself everyday and get so mad when I would gain 1 pound when I felt like I should have lost 5. I think it is important to get rid of any triggers that make you feel less then. Unfollow people on social media who have this perfect body if that makes you feel self-conscious. Currently, I feel great and have a healthy relationship with my body now. I have started to accept where I am and have started to love who I am regardless the size. I know that a lot of people, especially women deal with comparison and have a hard time with self-esteem. I want you to know that you are not alone and that you are beautiful the way you are!

A book that really helped me was Pretty Happy by Kate Hudson and I recommend for anyone going through the process of learning to love yourself. In the book, they give you many activities to learn how to love yourself. One of them was to look at the mirror while being naked and list 5 things I love about myself. WOW, I felt so weird doing this and didn’t want to be too coincided. I started to do the exercise even though I felt so uncomfortable but slowly I was like wow there are some things I love about myself. When you finally step away from social media and outside sources and really focus in on YOURSELF, it is amazing how great you start to feel.

I will say that the one thing that has helped me has been yoga. Whenever I do yoga I feel so sexy and confident and accomplished. Whenever I sweat and do activities that make me feel stronger then that it boosts my confidence. Do more things that make you feel good about yourself and that add to your self-confidence. I did want to share this photo I took last year and I felt so self-conscious in this photo. I did not want to post this because I felt like I had back rolls and felt huge. I was so excited to take this photo because of the view and I was in my new KRAHS bathing suit. Regardless, I did not post this photo because of how I thought I looked like in it. I think it is so sad we sit there and worry about our photos so much and we add filters, and then worry about the caption because we think everything has to be perfect. We think if we post the perfect photo with the perfect caption then everyone will love it and we will get more likes and people will like us more. We seek outside validation constantly! We always ask our friends if they like this outfit or how they look in something. If the friend doesn’t like it then our confidence is shot. We like going to our friends for input but we need to start trusting our own judgements. If we feel good in it then we should wear it! My entire life I wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to be friends with everyone. Since a young age I was the popular one and I always had many different friends. I notice that now I would rather have less friends but quality people around who make me feel comfortable and great.

The point of my post is to never forget who you truly are! Love your body with all the “imperfections” and do not compare yourself to others. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

If you feel like you are comparing yourself on social media then maybe it is time to take a break from it and focus on the present. The most important thing is to be healthy and not go to extremes to be a certain weight. I know this is easier said then done and a lot of people deal with this, but if you are struggling there are so many resources and places you can reach out to for help.

I am not saying it is healthy to let yourself go because at some point your blood pressure goes up and a lot of health problems can arise. I think it is important to be healthy! I am saying if you are doing all the right things and being healthy then you need to be proud of what you are doing. Honestly, everyone has a different shape and size and not everyone will be a size 2 for the rest of their lives. Even some people who are a size 2 aren’t confident in their bodies and have body image issues. This subject applies to any size and it really comes down to how they view themselves. We always want to be what someone else is, but how do we know that person is even happy how they are? Are they starving themselves? Do they have a eating disorder and having a really hard time? I have to remind myself of this a lot! Have empathy for every single person and know that at the end of the day we are all struggling and all striving to be this perfect mold. Stop body shaming others no matter their size and focus on yourself. A lot of people struggle in silence and so do not be fooled by what you see on the surface. I have started to wear clothes that make me feel supported and comfortable and I want to wear clothes that make me feel the most confident. I encourage you to wear clothes you feel comfortable in and rock it! You are beautiful just the way you are!

I urge you to go get naked and look in the mirror and say 5 things you love about yourself! Do not focus on the things you don’t love. Only focus on what you do love! Write them down and put them on a post it and be reminded. Sometimes I put encouraging post it’s around to give me little reminders. Go do something that makes you feel comfortable and confident! Be around people who make you feel great but don’t forget to do things to make yourself feel great. Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel terrible about yourself. These little changes can go a long way!

Thank you so much for reading and if you want to talk more about this topic feel free to reach out to me! I would love to hear your stories on this!

Love & Light,

Tuscany

Anxiety & Panic Disorder

My story:

I have been so excited to speak on this topic because it is very special to me and I have quite a lot to say about it. Honestly, even though this post may seem like a lot- I have been through even more but by the time I tell you every single story I would have an entire book series. When I was younger I had no idea what anxiety or panic attacks were. I remember being fifteen when I had my first panic attack and I will never forget that moment. I remember feeling severe chest pain, excessive sweating, dizzy, and insane tunnel vision. I had no idea what was going on at the moment because I was so young and did not have that sort of awareness yet. This was after my grandparents who I lived with and helped raise me passed away one after another when I was starting Freshman year of High school. My dad decided to pick up and move us out of California and to North Carolina where it was cheaper. All of these huge life changes of losing my grandparents, moving, and leaving important relationships behind was very tough on a fifteen year old kid. I remember having several panic attacks my sophomore year of high-school but again, I had no idea what was going on. Shortly after living in North Carolina for a full month I moved back to California and lived with my sister. I basically told my parents I would kill myself if they kept me there with them. I was very behind in school and had to go to a continuation school in a not so great area of Orange County. I did not fit in there and felt scared most of the time. This is when depression set in and I started to go through A LOT of feelings this year. I was in a very toxic relationship with someone who was verbally and physically abusive. He would hold me down and choke me and hit my legs so people couldn’t see the bruises on my face. Force me to have sex when I didn’t want to…. I didn’t have parent supervision during this time since my parents were still in North Carolina and my sister was at work all the time. I would basically be able to do whatever I wanted and whenever. I remember wanting to be stoned so I wouldn’t have to feel what I was going through. I wanted to be completely numb to all of my feelings of fear, panic, stress, and anger. I was constantly sad and crying and I thought about killing myself regularly. I was also hanging around older people so I was introduced to a lot of different things during this time. Junior year came around and I got out of that toxic relationship by having to change my phone numbers, friends, and move from where I was living. The one thing that continued after that relationship was being on Xanax. I was introduced the previous year and I absolutely loved the way Xanax made me feel and I felt like I could handle anything when I was on it.

Senior year I started hanging out with the wrong crowds and was in another intense relationship. I also didn’t like going to school and had a lot of anxiety about facing other people. Soon after that I did independent studies which was only once a week. I graduated from a continuation school called Shores because of how behind I was in schoolwork. Thankful I graduated though! I didn’t like facing other people and having to explain to them why I was down it was really hard. I was very popular growing up and so I always felt like a lot of attention was on me and I had this image to be liked and be social. It started to become very draining being that person.

I got back together with someone from middle school who I loved a lot. He was sober at the time and I was trying to be as well. We loved each other and had a lot of great times together. Unfortunately, both of us were pretty broken and so as time went on and us being teenagers we fell into this toxic on and off relationship. A LOT of anxiety came from this relationship and created a lot of fear inside of me. The relationship really took a toll on me and many times he made me feel like I was worthless and that I would never be good enough. I lived with my mother again for a short time and that was a very toxic environment. We argued all the time and my mom was going through a lot of issues and had really bad mental health issues, and that is when the drinking started with her as well. I was constantly in survival mode and would stay at different friends houses or my boyfriends parents house. I remember having to sleep in my boyfriends car at times since his parents wouldn’t let me stay over because I had no where else to go. I never had stability and never knew when I was going to have to move, if I could afford rent, if my ex was going to leave me again, if my ex was going to upset me again, if my mom was going to be alive and well, and if my dad was going to recover from a quadruple bypass surgery or if him and I would have a relationship. Things started turning around when I was 18-19 and I moved to Santa Monica and started working for Red Bull. I met some really amazing people and this started to change my outlook on life. I felt confident and was around empowering women who lifted me up all the time. I was still dating that ex but this is when the cheating really begun and when he would cheat on me often and I would find out through his friends. He was in and out of trouble all the time so I was constantly on edge about getting a call from jail, or getting calls from his family to check how he was doing. He did a lot of really hurtful things to me that caused me a ton of anxiety and pain. A lot of verbal abuse happened in this relationship. He really tried to tear down my image of what people thought of me- but mainly he made me believe I was worthless and would never be good enough.

I will not say that I was perfect but when someone is that manipulating and puts you down, you start to believe it and then act out in certain ways for attention. Also, when you are already in such a low point in your life and don’t have self-esteem of course things are going to happen. He moved away and a few months later I followed him. I will spare all the details but he put me in a really terrible situation (I acknowledge that I did put myself there as well but still). Found out he was cheating on me, we got kicked out of the place were were staying and basically were homeless. I moved back in with my mom and had to sleep in the living room on a mattress and this was a really bad situation. My ex told his parents I stole their gas card (Even though he did- and had it the entire time and would fill up everyone’s gas tanks and trade it for money). So we were done- and I was always the one to blame! This put me in a really really dark space. He broke up with me, made his parents believed I was bad and crazy, and then I was back with my mother, and lost some really amazing friends since they didn’t agree with me moving there in the first place. I was very much in love with this person and the pain we kept putting each other through was really hard on me. Being in such a dysfunctional and intense relationship at that age really took a toll on me. I always just wanted to be loved but all I really knew was craziness and never had role models of a healthy relationship. My life was always crazy so that is exactly what I attracted into my life.

Shortly after this, “somebody” hacked my Facebook and put pictures up everywhere of me in lingerie. This was sent out to literally everyone. Family, co-workers, friends… and it was so humiliating. These photos were only for this one person- and I couldn’t believe this happened. It happened on my 20th birthday! It kept happening in and off and this was very traumatic for me. Being perceived to people as a “slut” or as someone who is worthless is a really terrible feeling. Especially when the one person you love is also telling you these things daily.

My anxiety was so bad that when I was 20 I ended up in the Hospital with stomach ulcers and a rash all over my body. I was so sick throwing up and basically pooping out a lot of blood and had to spend a week in the Hospital. I couldn’t hold down foods and was a complete wreck. I remember the Doctor being so shocked that I was only 20 but had ulcers. I knew why, because I was constantly stressing and on edge. It is crazy how connected our mind and body are! I didn’t have ways to manage my stress and I would hold a lot in. I didn’t have many people who understood me or good coping skills so it was really hard on me. When you are young and don’t understand these constant feelings of insecurity, instability, fear, and anxiety then it it easy to find ways to “not deal” with it. I would surround myself with people who partied and would go out and drink to forget how I was feeling. Sometimes I would drink too much and would end up blacking out. This led to a constant cycle of regret, fear, and non stop negative self-talk. This continued through my 20’s but I will spare you all the details but lets just say a lot of trauma happened.

I had a life altering experience happen to me about five years ago and that is when my anxiety got even worse. I will talk about this at a later post, but just know it was very traumatic and I have a lot of PTSD from it. This situation happened because of the build up of so much anxiety, panic, depression, self-doubt, and not feeling in control of my emotions and my life. I almost died in this situation and I will never forget that turning point of my life. This situation really opened my eyes and basically woke me up and kicked me in gear. After that, I moved to Georgia and moved away from the past in California. I was able to finally start dealing with all of these emotions and figure out why I was the way I was. I started to be very fearful of being in the car (because of a bad car accident), couldn’t be in party situations with previous friends, couldn’t be around certain people, and it was even hard to go into work some/most days. Even though I was away from all of my triggers, these feelings were still very much there and there was A LOT I needed to unpack and figure out.

In Georgia, we have a lot of thunderstorms and tornado warnings and scary weather situations give me extreme anxiety. I do not like situations that are out of my control and I have always been in survival mode. When you live in “fight or flight” mode for so long and you are just trying to survive- it is very hard to feel grounded and realize these fears are not in my control- but it is okay and I will be okay. I also notice there there has been many times my anxiety has been so bad about facing people when I feel down- and so I haven’t been able to go to work or complete daily tasks. It has been crippling many times… and that is when I call out “sick” but most of the time it is mentally sick… which usually isn’t as acceptable. This is why the past 6 months I’ve had to leave the corporate world and be in better jobs for my mental health.

There are a lot of situations till this day that I will have a huge panic attack over and I can’t handle life. I am constantly worried about losing the ones I love or something bad happening to them. I have been constantly worried about my parents even though it’s out of my control. I always want to control the outcome of situations, but when in reality I can only control how I respond to them. My husband travels a lot for work and I will obsess over if something happens while he is there. If I am going on a trip with girlfriends I obsess over every detail of what we are doing and I start to worry about how I will be able to handle these social situations. I have anxiety in my relationship/marriage now of whenever we would have a disagreement-if he was going to leave me. These are things that I was used to and conditioned to believe were okay. Understanding that this is not normal and to learn better ways to handle conflict. luckily, my Husband is so supportive and understanding. He knows about all of this and he has been a huge reason I have been able to heal and get better. He has loved me for me and he has treated me with so much respect, and is just such a loving and caring man. He makes me feel so confident and pushes me to be the best. I am so thankful I met such a wonderful man who I love so freaking much. He has helped me grow in so many ways.

What does Anxiety & Panic feel/look like?

FYI: I am not a Professional! These are the symptoms I have felt and personally go through. Please consult a Doctor to get evaluated 🙂

• Over-analyzing
• Over-reacting (You feel like you are- but do not put yourself down for this!)
• Constant sweating
• Constant worry of the future and past
• Panic attacks
• Obsessing
• Anger
• Frequent urination
• High-blood pressure
• Urge to drink water constantly
• Feeling like you can’t breathe
• A lot of “what if” questions
• Hard to fall asleep, stay asleep, or sleeping too much
• Crying
• Taking everything personal all the time
• Feeling not good enough
• Feeling not in control
• Restlessness
• Nausea or stomach issues (mind and gut are connected)
• Heart palpitations
• Crying when under a lot of pressure
• Indecisiveness
• Having certain Phobias
• Not being able to be around people (social anxiety)
• Thinking of something bad happening
• Asking a lot of questions because of the fear or what could happen
• Living in regret
• Isolation
• Feeling guilt or shame

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY:

• Don’t tell them to get over it
• Don’t tell them not to worry
• Don’t tell them they are freaking out for no reason
• Don’t tell them they are creating their own reality with these worries
• Don’t tell them they have nothing to worry about
• Don’t tell them to chill out
• Don’t tell them how they should feel
• Don’t tell them “it’s no big deal”

Managing my Anxiety & Panic attacks

“Your Anxiety was your companion to survival when you needed it”- Athena

I will tell you right now that I am still working on it because it is something I will ALWAYS have to work on. This is apart of me and this will not just go away, BUT I have found ways to manage it and be able to live my life and not keep myself in my room all the time. My anxiety led to a lot of isolation and then that would lead to depression. I get very lonely and a lot of past emotions are stuck deep down inside of me. These mental illnesses are so intertwined because it is a chain affect. I would get anxiety about going out with my Dad but then the next day I would feel regret for not going, and be like “what if something happens to him” which that fear still is going, and then I would continue to not make plans with people, and then depression would set it. I would be sad that I wouldn’t see people I love and be upset at myself for not going. It was a constant cycle and I have started to acknowledge these feelings but accept them. It is okay if I don’t feel like going somewhere- and not to force myself to do things I don’t want to do. My intuition is so strong and anxiety is my intuitions way of telling me the situation is not good for me and to also honor when I am tired and need to stay home and rest. The people who love you should understand!

Therapy has been a huge help in me managing anxiety and I highly suggest it for people. I started with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which retrains your mind to go in a different direction. You discuss different situation and they give you the tools on how to understand why you are thinking a certain way, actually process it, and then change your way of thinking. I started going to therapy once a week for 4 years so believe me it really takes time and patience with yourself. I no longer hide these fears and I think it is very important to honor yourself and not put yourself in situations you do not want to be in. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH is important and if someone is a threat to that then you need to set boundaries or discontinue the relationship. I also started to cut out people who were bad for my mental health and only surround myself with people who I could be my true self with. For so long, I wanted all these friends and people to like me but now I’ve learned that I would rather have fewer friends who won’t judge me or make me feel less then. Being around people you can be honest with and who really love you is very important. When you have a great support system and ones who understand your mental health- then it really helps. I am so thankful for some of my friends because they know I have anxiety and so when I start to get anxious and ask a lot of questions- or if I disappear and don’t talk to them, they understand and will not cut me off for it. They will check on me and ask how I am doing and genuinely care about how I am. I have been practicing yoga for 10 years but let me tell you when I constantly go to yoga, then my anxiety and panic are a lot less. I feel a lot more confident and I can manage my stress better- so I highly recommend trying if you haven’t yet!

I know that I have went through a lot in my life and it all started at such a young age. I never had stability or people to count on when I needed them the most. I quickly got into bad relationships with people who I wanted to “complete me” and then would end up lowering my worth to people who did not deserve it. Always being in survival mode and having to just continue to make money to pay bills and to survive really took over my life. I wasn’t able to just be a kid and always had to be the responsible one for MYSELF to survive. I was a parent to my own parents when I needed parents the most. This is why I wasn’t able to truly process what I have been through and why so much built up. Even though I have stability now in my life and my own house- I still unintentionally have fears and things I worry about. When you use anxiety to survive most of your life then you are used to those ways of handling/ thinking about situations. I am so thankful now that therapy has given me the tools to finally deal with these things and to completely transform my life. I have more acceptance when it comes to my parents, and am starting to learn that they had their own issues they were dealing with. They loved me but they both had depression and other issues and it was difficult for them to even love themselves. I think when we start to have compassion for people and start to understand why they do or don’t do things, then we can actually learn forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt not having them there for me when I needed it, or that I didn’t need more structure from them- or that certain relationships that treated me badly didn’t freaking hurt to my core (or that I’m making excuses for them) but in order for me to heal it is about forgiveness and having empathy for others. I have truly forgiven my ex for all of the hurt and we’ve actually had discussions about things at an older age and I feel a lot of closure and I use it as a learning experience. I’m thankful for these experiences because it’s made me who I am today. I am starting to listen to myself more and be grateful for all of these experiences. I know what is best for my life and SO DO YOU. I have forgiven myself for putting myself in bad situations and lowering my standards. I have forgiven myself for being a certain way and not treating myself good. Never let anyone tell you how to handle your life or that you don’t deserve greatness, because you DO! I am very grateful for all of the challenges because now I am able to help others and share my stories.

What helps my Anxiety?

(FYI, I am now an Affiliate with Amazon! All of my recommendations will be highlighted as a link. Click that link and it will go directly to the product I recommend from Amazon)

• Knowledge of anxiety- and knowing the symptoms and how to overcome them
• Therapy
• Mindfulness
• DBT workbook: Click on that for the direct link to Amazon. This gives you a bunch of exercises and teaches you mindfulness and what your triggers are/ and how to overcome them
• Yoga (helps sooo much!)
• Meditation: There are a lot of great apps out there! I love Insight timer
• Journals. Here are some I recommend, Zen as F*ck: A Journal for Practicing the mindful art of not giving a Sh*it, The Anxiety Journal, Present, Not Perfect: A Journal for slowing down, letting go, and loving who you are, The Mindfulness Journal for Anxiety:Daily prompts and practices to find peace
• Diet adjustments- Whenever I eat clean and healthy I have less anxiety and feel a lot better. Too much fast food and salt make me feel worse
• Less Caffeine: I have switched to matcha green tea or pure green tea
• Check out my website with Arbonne (click this link to go directly to my site and purchase) I LOVE the energy fizz sticks and they don’t give me anxiety after drinking them
• CBD Oil: I am an affiliate with this brand click the CBD oil link to go directly to the product
• Herbal remedies: St John’s Wart, Magnesium, Valerian root, L-Theanine, B Complex, Ashwagandha, Melatonin, Fish oil
• Probiotics: The gut is very connected to your mind…healthy gut/healthy mind 🙂 Grass fed Collagen Peptides with Type 1 & 3 Probiotics from Garden of Life
• Take baths! Dr. Teal Epsom salt soaking solution Lavender
• Essential Oils! I love lavender oil and I keep a diffuser next to my bed when I sleep and one at my desk
• Weighted blankets if you get anxiety at night time
• Medication: I had to use medication like SSRI’s for awhile which help with anxiety and depression, sleeping medication, & medication for panic attacks (Please discuss with a professional about this)
• Support groups: There are so many support groups online. I love Peak of Panic. I am in a group me with 300 others and you can talk about how you are feeling that day- and share stories and share tips to others. Follow her on Instagram and ask to join her group
• Being more assertive: Speak up about your boundaries and expectations for others. Let people know your triggers and how you feel about certain things. This has helped me a lot!
• Get enough sleep
• COLD RAGS! When I have a panic attack and get really hot..then I love getting a rag and making it wet and putting it either on my forehead or back of neck…it really soothes me
• List your fears and put them in order. Least to worst: and explain why these are your fears? It is nice to have it down on paper to really see what is going on
• Have a good support system of people you can trust and rely on
• A schedule: Having a schedule really helps me but I can’t overwork myself or else I get too stressed and my anxiety builds up
• Time management: Give yourself an extra 15 min in the morning to wake up. Whenever I rush out the door then my anxiety doubles and I start to get angry
• Don’t put yourself in situations you don’t want to be in: YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not doing something
• When having a panic attack: Take control of your breathing and start counting to 50. Keep your mind focused on your breath. Breathe, touch, and smell. Use your basic senses and use whatever you have to get your mind to focus on that- instead of the worry
• Walking: Walking at least 4-5 times a week has helped me so much. Being out in nature really calms my mind and exercise is really good for anxiety
• Do not drink: I know whenever I drink alcohol it makes me feel worse and can lead to a lot of anxiety
• Make lists of what you need to get done
• Set time out of everyday to take at least 5-10 minutes to be with yourself and breathe
• Have compassion with yourself

Books I recommend:

Clink the links to go directly to Amazon to purchase

• Unf*ck Your Brain: Getting over Anxiety
• The Wisdom of Anxiety: How Worry and Intrusive Thoughts are Gifts to Help You Heal
• Anxiety and worry workbook
• Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks
• The 5-Minute Anxiety Relief Journal: A creative way to stop freaking out
• The Big Activity Book for Anxious People
• Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Managing Depression and Anxiety
• Anxiety Happens: 52 Ways to Find Peace of Mind
• Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping your Partner
• Own it: Make Your Anxiety Work for You
• When Panic Attacks
• Panic Attacks workbook: A guided Program for Beating the Trick
• The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the healing of Trauma

I believe in you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I really hope that my story can help you feel less alone in this. I am always here if you need extra support or have any questions. You are not alone in this and you can manage this with the right help. Do not be afraid to ask for help! Speak up to people and let them know what you are going through. Take deep breaths. Also, I would love to hear from you and your experiences with anxiety. I am here if you want to share your story! 🙂

Love & light,

Tuscany

The year in retrospect and manifesting 2020

2019…. Wow, what a year! Honestly, it felt like three different years in one because of how much has happened. Not only are we closing off a year but also an entire DECADE which makes me think about even more experiences and things that have happened in the past 10 years. For me, this is my last New Year’s celebration as 29, because in a few months I will be the big 30! I honestly don’t feel that age and long ago I would say wow 30 is old, but now that I approach it, I feel like the 30s will be the best times of my life. The ’20s are such a rollercoaster because you are growing, learning, evolving, and trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be. For me, this past decade has been CRAZY, to say the least. I want to focus on this past year though because it is crazy how much can happen in a full year. I honestly believe some years test you more than others to help you grow, and other years feel easier. I have noticed that how it goes in cycles because life is always giving you what you need in order to keep growing.

2019 started off very negative, like New Year’s Day was terrible but I will keep those details to myself. In the first part of 2019, I left a job that was draining the life out of me and I finally got the confidence or finally had enough where I quit. It was very hard on me for many reasons but needed to be done because it went on way too long. Then, I transitioned into a new job that quickly challenged me in ways I was never challenged before, and I learned a lot. I was still going through school and constantly feeling stressed and anxious because of how much I had going on, and felt like I was way too overwhelmed with how much I had on my plate. I always had this much on my plate ever since I was 16, but after years of working full time, or two, three jobs, and going to school…while trying to maintain other aspects of your life, and heal in many ways….it really starts to catch up with you and comes crashing down hard. In March, I decided to get off my antidepressants and try to go on with life without all the medications. At the time, I was on 4 different meds for depression and anxiety and I will say that it saved me in so many ways, and helped me have a “normal” life and be able to get out of bed in the morning. Let me just say, getting off the antidepressants was one of the most physically and mentally challenging things I have done. I was having brain zaps (hard to explain but for those of you who’ve been through it- you know), mood swings, nausea, constant sweating, panic attacks, hard time sleeping, hard time connecting with others, lack of patience, wanting to stay in bed, and more. Sounds terrible right? This went on for two months while I was trying to learn a fast pace new job, do well in school, nurture my marriage, take care of my high energy dog, manage a household, and still try to remain in touch with friends and family.

I noticed how hard this was on my friends and family who wanted to see me, speak to me on the phone, or just wanted me to be “fun” and be able to go to events or travels with them. As fun as that all sounds, when I am not feeling “fun” or myself it was felt impossible to face anyone. Instead, I just kept a lot to myself and battled these feelings alone. Thankfully, I do have an amazing therapist who was helping me through it and my Husband. I am not saying that my friends and family weren’t there for me, I just think it is hard to understand what someone is truly going through unless you have experienced it yourself, and I had a hard time going to them when I needed a friend. My husband travels all the time for work so it was extra hard on me this year compared to the rest. He has traveled since the beginning of our relationship, but for some reason this year was hard because of how emotionally down I was. When he was gone, I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I would feel so alone so it was very difficult. I have Milo which thank god because he was definitely my emotional support dog, but he also drove me nuts and it was very difficult dealing with his energy on my own.

Reflection:

This year was the year I learned boundaries and something I have always struggled with but have needed to learn for AWHILE now. Boundaries with family and friends to start taking control of my life. I am a people pleaser and an empath and I constantly would hear my family drama and it would affect me very hard.  I am the type who worries about everybody around me and when I hear things aren’t going well then, I get all worked up, panic attacks, and lose sleep over it. I would constantly listen to the drama from people and get sucked up into it. For someone who deals with heavy anxiety and depression it started to become way too much for me. (I know I was having my own drama and struggles and am not perfect-but when you are constantly put in the middle of things- it becomes draining) I learned I had to cut these conversations to a minimum, speak up and tell people my boundaries, and slowly distance myself away from the negative. My life has been filled with a lot of drama and I am to the point where I am just done with it, and I only want people in my life who lift me up and who I know are truly genuine. Also, I had to start accepting people for who they are and not let their choices or things they say affect me (especially if I still wanted to continue a relationship with them). I started to really notice the ones who were draining my energy and this is when the boundaries started. This did not go well with some people who do not like boundaries and who were used to me dealing with this, and being the emotional sponge while not giving me the same respect in return.

I had a really dark moment in September that some of you might have saw on social media. I sprained my ankle the day my husband left for 3 weeks for a work trip and had to handle my dog myself. While, going to school, starting a new job (working from home), and then I got really sick with the flu for a week. I felt so helpless and weak and I am not the best at asking for help when I need it. Instead, I isolate and try to handle what I can but by the end of that I get so anxious, depressed, and in a state of mind, that is dark. My suicidal thoughts came back, something I haven’t felt since a month before I moved to Georgia. At the moment I just felt like what is the point? I can’t do this anymore! I look back now and I feel kind of crazy for feeling that way but this is what depression is yall. It comes on quick and intense and dark thoughts come into the brain that is very hard to shut off. This was also stemmed from previous emotions and feelings of being alone, helpless, and weak from my teens and twenties. I am thankful I reached out for help and quickly saw who was truly there for me. If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline #: 1-800-273-8255 and they are open 24/7!

This is my semicolon tattoo: My story is not over & it just beginning

It truly makes me emotional thinking back at this dark time, but I think it was meant to happen to open my eyes to how strong I am. I have overcome way harder things, like WAY harder! I’ve had near death experiences, abuse, great loss, and so much more. This was a wake-up call, to start living in the present, love myself, start using my resources, and to start focusing on the good and know that “This too shall pass”.

Afterwards, I started to spend more time alone and started to journal, meditating, read a lot of self-help books, therapy, and went on the path to learn to love myself. I started noticing the people who were slowly slipping away, and the ones who were getting closer to me. The ones who have always been there and haven’t left my side, and the ones I reconnected with after years of not talking who started to really show up for me.  Then I started to connect with amazing souls in Georgia and started getting back into yoga which has really helped my overall well being and confidence.

I also saw a lot of change this year in friendships and a lot of long-time bonds start to drift away. That is the thing about this age is we are growing, changing, learning, and evolving and so life is bound to separate some of us and it is okay to let go of these attachments. If you have to hold onto something super hard just to keep it because of a past with them then that might mean it is time to let go, and let life go its course. My sister always told me by the time you are 30 you will have a lot less friends, but a few ones you can for sure count on. She was right! I was always a social butterfly and loved having so many friends and people around. I always wanted to be liked and to be “fun” so when I do not feel as “fun” it is hard to be in these social situations. I honestly still love having all sorts of different friends, but as long as they are the right people and are good for my mental health, and people I can be my true self with and not be judged for who I am.

I started to realize I kept looking back at the past and holding on so tight to these memories, friendships, relationships, places, and just everything. I was holding so tight and it was making me feel isolated and alone in Georgia. As soon as I started to slowly let the past be the past, and focus on the present in Georgia then my life started to get better. It is okay to still be connected and close with those people from the past, all I am saying is try to make new connections and focus on the present. When we constantly focus on what we don’t have then we stop seeing what is right in front of us. I have decided to focus more on what I do have and start focusing on me.

The thing is, we get in relationships or get married and we almost depend on that other person for our happiness. This will quickly backfire in any relationship (even friendships). We focus so much on the approval from others, being loved, seen, acknowledged, appreciated, etc. When we don’t feel that, we quickly start thinking someone must be wrong with us, did we do something wrong? For me, this starts spiral affect and has put me in a dark depression where I isolate myself away from everyone. The only way to be truly happy is when we truly love ourselves FIRST. If we can’t love ourselves then how in the heck is anyone else suppose to love us? When we can truly make ourselves happy and not need this outside validation because we are already showing up for ourselves and filling our own cup then we are fulfilled. Then, when the relationships, family, friends, or whoever start to fill the cup then it is just adding onto the cup that is already filled and we overflow with joy and can really create long lasting relationships, and continue the one with ourselves.

Journal Prompts to end 2019:

-Things that hurt me this year

-Strengths I have gained this year

-Things I have accomplished

-People who really lifted me up, & what did they do?

-People who really brought me down, & why?

Setting Intentions for 2020:

-Goals for 2020

-Things to get done in 2020

-Places I want to travel to

-A new hobby I wanna learn

-Things I want to work on personally

-Dreams I have

-Type of people I want in my life this year, and always

You can make any type of list you want but here are some of the ones I do for inspiration. You can even make a playlist of the moods you want to feel, draw, or even make a vision board! I love vision boards because I actually made one last year and kept it up on my desk so I could visually see it every day.

Vision Boards:

-Posterboard or whatever you want to use to put things on

-Magazine, pictures, crafts

-Scissors, tape, and whatever other tools you might need

This was my vision board from the beginning of 2019

Why are setting goals & intentions so important?

I believe setting goals, intentions, and reflecting is so important because you help make a plan for your life. You are also able to see how much you’ve accomplished and can be truly proud of yourself. Sometimes we focus so much on saying goodbye to a year and being so ready for it to be over. Let this year, or any year be another chapter in your life of lessons you’ve learned. Every situation and every set back are leading you to something wonderful. Everything truly happens for a reason! I believe having a fresh year is like a fresh start, and another chance to do something you may have been wanting to do but still haven’t crossed it off the list. It is NEVER too late, so just do it…BUT DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF if you aren’t there yet. Be patient and loving to yourself, and proud of how far you’ve made it in this world.

The end of 2019

The first part of 2019

End of a Decade

I did want to say I cannot believe we are ending a decade and so I did want to comment a little bit on this. I started this decade very weak, naive, and wanted to be loved and wanted…and did not have a purpose. I was seeking out love in the wrong places and drowning my pain with drinking, non stop partying, wrong crowds, and not taking care of my health. I was in the hospital for stomach ulcers at age 20 from so much stress built up, and not taking good care of myself. I had the time of my life at 21 and made memories with my group of girls that I will never forget. I went through a very hard heartbreak with someone I was on and off with since middle school. This was something that was very rough on me, and took a huge physical and mental toll on me. I had some very tough times and when I turned 25 I had a very very rough time. I got into a horrible near death accident and that kicked my butt in gear to move across the country to Georgia. It was a chain of events and a constant cycle of feeling broken, unloved, unhappy, weak, worthless, and alone. I am thankful that the universe kicked me in gear because moving was the best thing that could have happened to me. I reconnected with my dad after spending 10 years away from each other. I got a brand new car after having so many “hooptys” as we call it (haha LORIANA). I got into a University and am now a senior, and going to get my bachelors degree in Psychology soon. I started therapy and working on myself finally! I met my Husband and had the most beautiful wedding. I gained an amazing family from my Husband and have made such great memories. I own a house!! For so long, wanting to have a place to call my own and to finally feel grounded somewhere…actually happened! I never thought I would find a healthy love or a place to call my own. My life was always constantly changing and chaotic that it seemed I could never fully catch a break, or catch up. I have so much to be proud of and if it wasn’t for all of these difficult experiences then I do not think I would be as grateful and aware as I am today. I am ending this decade smart, confident, strong, wise, open, inspired, grateful, accepting, brave, blessed, bright, dedicated, compassionate, committed, caring, determined, LOVED, I HAVE A PURPOSE, and I am a women who will never give up!

Goodbye 2019

I will say I am very proud of myself for how much I have overcome in a decade, and in this last year. I have learned that “This too shall pass,” because it always does. At the moment, it feels so overwhelming and feels like you can’t handle it…but YOU CAN! I will continue to work on myself and grow, learn, and overcome whatever is thrown my way. I am thankful for the hard lessons this year was trying to teach me, but when all is said is done, I finally truly love myself. I can look in the mirror and just really say WOW, you are amazing. I know what I deserve and what I am capable of and I have learned to not stay in situations just because you’re comfortable or you feel you don’t deserve more. Make as many changes to your life that you need to because this is YOUR LIFE. DO THINGS FOR YOU! Do not let the judgment of others or your own self-criticism hold you back from changing careers if your miserable, not doing school because you don’t feel smart enough, not starting a family because you’re worried you won’t be able to handle it, or not truly living your life. I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of the amazing people in my life near and far who have been there for me, and have loved me no matter what. I see you and I appreciate you so much! Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read my blog, and I truly hope this helps and inspires you. I am always here if anyone needs to talk! Sending love and light to everyone, and have a safe and great New Year!! BRING IT ON 2020 I AM READY!

Love & light,

Tuscany