Mental Health · self-help · self-love · Uncategorized

8 Ways to Deal With Negative Thoughts

You wake up in the morning but you are rushing because you snoozed for the last hour. The night before, you planned on getting up early, drinking some cucumber and lemon water, stretching, walking the dog, and having time to get ready for yoga. That snooze button just was too easy and the bed was too comfortable to get out of. Yoga is in 20 minutes so you rush out of bed, eat a piece of toast, don’t even brush your hair or teeth, and basically throw clothes on and rush out the door. Already, you are anxious because you have 10 minutes to get to class before it starts. You are upset because you planned to have a good morning and to start it off right but that dang snooze button got the best of you! On the drive, you are talking so negatively about yourself and upset that you didn’t just get up. You get to class with 1 minute to spare and to your luck, the only spot left is in the very front and center of the class. GREAT just to my luck this would happen! The negative thoughts start creeping in… “This is going to suck,” “What if I get sick and can’t lay down,” What if I can’t keep up with the entire class since I haven’t been in a month,” ” I am front and center so I have to keep up or else I will look weak,” “I work here so I have to be a good yoga role model to the other students and to the ones online,” “I am scared I won’t do well,” “I am so mad about myself for not getting up earlier to get in a different spot.” The mind is going wild with so much negative thinking before the class has even started.

Instead of continuing this negative thinking and letting this mindset completely ruin the next 75 minutes of this hot yoga class, you make a huge shift in your thoughts! You start to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I got this,” “I am strong,” “I don’t have to be perfect,” “I am thankful I made it to the mat,” “I showed up and didn’t fully bail on class,” “I just have to breathe and take it a step at a time,” and just like that…..you feel strong, brave, happy, excited, and you take on the entire 75 minute class like a rock star! What a concept right? If we switch our negative thoughts and start speaking positive affirmations then it can completely transform how you feel about a situation.

Does this happen to you? Do you have moments before going into a situation and you completely already talk yourself out of it before you even had a chance to attempt? This happens to me A LOT! I don’t know if it stems from my anxiety, depression, or lack of self-confidence and trust in good things to actually happen. Along the way, there have probably been situations in your life where you have been let down. Instead of letting yourself down without fully knowing the situation yet, you tell yourself that it already isn’t going to work, so no big deal. This can be a defense mechanism and a reaction to replaying past events and worrying about the future. Unfortunately, these negative thoughts really take a toll and can hold you back from enjoying life experiences, distract you from focusing on what’s really important, make you feel anxious and depressed, and drain your energy. 

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavior therapy or CBT is a psychological treatment that can be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol, and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness. CBT helps you manage stress and anxiety by learning relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, coping self-talk, identifying situations that are often avoided and gradually approaching feared situations. This type of therapy is focused on present problems and is works with problem-orientated situations.  A great resource to find a therapist in your area that does CBT is searching on Psychology Today online.

Cognitive Therapy Exercise:

(My Psychology teacher gave us this example of what a Cognitive Therapy Exercise looks like so feel free to answer these questions for your own personal reflection)

  • I often worry that I _____
  • What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen? What do you fear most of all?
  • When you think the worst thing that could happen, do you really think that it’s likely to happen? If so, How could you learn to cope with it?
  • I accept myself even though I ____ (do not use the word “am”)

2. Recognizing where your thought distortions are coming from

When you can recognize the core of where these negative thoughts stem from then it can be very beneficial. We tend to tell ourselves these stories of things that are really not true and these inaccurate thoughts can reinforce negative thinking. When we can really recognize them then we can challenge them.

  • Personalizing: Assuming you are to blame for anything that goes wrong. When someone doesn’t say hello to you in the morning at work and you feel that it is your fault and you must have done something to upset him/her. When really, it is more likely that person is having a hard morning and it has nothing to do personally against you.
  • Black and white thinking: Seeing things as one way or another with no in between.
  • Filter thinking: Choosing to see only the negative of a situation
  • Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst possible outcome is going to happen.

References: Psychology Today

3. Questioning your thoughts

We tend to make up stories in our heads and these stories become what we think is true. When we can step back and look at a different perspective then we can try to see the full picture and defuse the negative thoughts. If a good friend was telling you a story how would you react to what they were telling you? Try to put yourself in someone’s shoes and see if that can help.

Ask yourself:

  • Is this thought true?
  • Is this thought important?
  • Is this thought helpful?

4. Separate from negative thoughts

It is important to try and take breaks from negative thoughts and put in positive ones instead. I know this can be difficult and honestly it really takes practice, patience, self-awareness, and time. Take control of your thoughts and allow yourself a few minutes with the thought but then take a break and start focusing on something positive. When we spend too much time on these negative thoughts then they can completely take over and consume us, to the point we start to believe they are actually true.

5. Let go of the judgment!

I know it can be so easy to judge ourselves and put ourselves down without even realizing it. I feel like it is even harder now a days because of social media and social comparison. This happens to me especially while scrolling through my Instagram feed! I see how people are handling their Instagram for blogs and think wow mine sucks, it could be so much better! These people get to travel the world, ugh, I will never get to do that! I will never be that skinny! I feel so fat! I won’t ever get that promotion! I feel like all of us do this without even realizing sometimes and this can have a huge impact on your negative thought patterns. When you start to have these thoughts recognize your reaction to them, observe it, and then let it go. Another way, is when you are noticing you are judging yourself or someone else in a negative light then start to look for a positive quality as well.

6. Gratitude!

Practicing gratitude is by far one of the biggest helps when it comes to negative self-talk. I highly recommend meditation, writing in a journal, and yoga. These three things have helped me so much because you get time with yourself to really take a step back and be with your thoughts. You actually feel your breath and your heart beat. I always feel so grateful to even be alive and to be able to breathe. It’s those little things that can really put everything in perspective and help you see the bigger picture.

7. Starting the day with affirmations

I work at a yoga studio and one of the students I talk to could feel that I was very stressed. I was very stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. The next day, she gave me a note card with these journal prompts and affirmations and told me to give it a try. At first, I was like how will I have time to do this first thing in the AM? As we heard above I LOVE to snooze my alarm and usually am running late. What if I got up a little earlier and spent 5 min or less answering these questions? Well, I did and let me tell you it really did set the tone for the day and I encourage you to give them a try!

8. Focus on what your strengths are

I know it can be difficult to focus on what you are good at and especially because you don’t want to sound conceded. But let me tell you, it is okay to talk good about yourself and be confident! It is human nature to dwell on the negative and overlook the positive sometimes, but the more you practice focusing on your strengths and how to move forward then the easier it will be to feel positive about yourself. Sometimes, we look into the past and can be upset of how we handled situations, who we surrounded ourselves with, and any thing that has happened that has made us feel less then. I know it is easier said then done but you have to forgive yourself and know that you made that decision for a reason. Every single life decision happens for us and leads us on the right path. When we can be more self-aware and think, “I put myself in that situation because I didn’t have the healthy coping skills as a teen and that is the way I got by.” Sometimes, we didn’t know better or maybe didn’t even have a choice. That is okay! Love every single inch of you and your heart.

I want you to know that I am posting this because I have a really hard time with negative thought patterns. I don’t even realize how much I am negative but I am a lot. The other day, I was driving to the dog park with my Husband and I said, “I really have to go to the bathroom.” He said, “There is a bathroom there we will be there soon.” and then I said “No, they are probably closed because of COVID.” See what I did? I didn’t even wait until we got there to actually see and instead already made up my mind that they were closed! Did I do this to protect myself in case there really wasn’t and I peed my pants? Probably! There are a lot of situations like that where I always shut things down right away without giving it a chance. I know that this will take effort and practice and honestly will probably be a forever thing to work on. The thing is, if we can work at it little by little and realize that we are doing this and why then that makes all the difference. I would love to hear your thoughts below and I really hope this helps!

Love & Light,

Tuscany

Here is me after Yoga this morning feeling AMAZING!

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Self-Care

Self-care During A Pandemic

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

I can’t believe what is going on in the world right now and 2020 has already been such a weird year. Most of us went into 2020 with New Year resolutions and goals with the excitement of a fresh slate to conquer anything. Obviously, none of us expected this pandemic to happen and most of us are really struggling with it. My hope for this post is to give you some self-care and self-love tips that you can use right now and carry with you afterwards in everyday life.

We are so used to staying busy with going out, being around friends/family, having a routine, and constantly being on the go. It is necessary for us to be productive and be on the go so we can financially afford to support ourselves and for our overall mental health. We love to plan ahead and know what the future holds or else it can cause some panic and anxiety. A lot of us are planners and love to have our weekend planned out, from going to brunch with friends or going to a concert. We are social creatures and we need others and crave that human touch. A lot of us do not have extra money saved up and we basically live pay check to pay check. Some of us are working still and are on the front lines like healthcare workers, grocery store clerks, and any essential businesses. Some people do long distance with a loved one and can’t travel to go see them. People have had to cancel their weddings, birthdays, and other important events. Some people have low immune systems and are terrified of getting sick. Some people are working for the airline and still having to travel with the worry of getting sick. Some people are new business owners and are terrified of losing their dream and their financial income. Some people have grandparents or parents who they love dearly and are terrified of them getting sick and the possibility of their immune system not being strong enough to handle the COVID-19 outbreak. A lot of mothers and parents are now home 24/7 with their children and are going mentally insane with everything. To the parents who are used to sending their kids to school and relying on the teachers to teach them and the school to feed them, they now have to think of things to occupy their children and have enough money to feed them. A lot of people have lost their jobs or are nervous they won’t have a job when this is all over. There are a lot of people who are currently at home alone and are struggling with depression. There are people who are already dealing with suicidal thoughts and now they are adding all this stress with wondering if they can afford things, and the fact of them being alone in their own head terrifies them. There are SO many fears right now and this is just a short list of them and the people struggling. There is so much unknown right now and it is leading to a lot of fear, worry, panic, depression, and isolation. I want you all to know that we recognize you and that it is okay to feel this way right now, but know that it will pass. Here are some tips that have helped me manage rough times and I hope these can help right now, and always.


Mental Health

For any of you already struggling with mental health issues I am sure this is just adding more stress onto you. I encourage you to talk to a therapist if you can. I know there a lot of therapist who will talk to you over the phone or even on Zoom. This can be great to have some extra support right now and someone to vent to. If you are struggling with suicide call: 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are there 24/7 and you can easily call them from your phone. If you are on medication remember to keep up with that and know that it is okay if you need to start medication right now during this. Writing in a journal can be great way to get your thoughts down on paper and release them. I encourage you to stay connected with people and get outdoors if you can.


Yoga & Meditation

This has helped me SO much in the last few weeks and in general. Yoga can be a great way to recenter and disconnect from the news and social media. If your new to yoga then this is a great time to start and in the comfort of your own home. If you don’t have a yoga mat then you can use a towel! There are so many free online classes right now that people are offering and I would definitely take advantage of it. Lately, I have been setting up my guest room with candles, Himalayan salt lamp, essential oil diffuser, and pillows and a blanket. If you can, you can make a little spot in your house so zen that you will feel like you are in an actual yoga class- or even better sometimes! Yoga is a great way to learn how to take deep breaths, relax your shoulders, and just be in the present moment. We are so used to constantly being on the go and moving that we hardly have time to check in with our thoughts. It can be difficult for a lot of people to stay still and really be in the moment. This can be a great time to practice this and feel safe in doing so. A lot of us are sitting on the couch and probably feel sore and blah from laying around, so yoga can be a great way to stretch out and move your body. I also love that there are so many live classes because you are doing the classes with others and so it helps you feel connected. Meditation is so important because it can really help recenter you and you can release any fear or worry you might be having.

  • Yoga with Adriene (Free on You-tube)
  • Lululemon work outs (Free on You-tube)
  • Check in with your local yoga instructors and see if they are offering any live classes right now. A lot of my favorite instructors have been teaching virtually and it has been amazing!
  • Tone it up (App-Free for 30 days and then after $12/month)
  • Ember Yoga (This is the yoga studio I work out and they are now offering live classes- check out their website)
  • Insight Timer (Meditation app)

Social Media

I know most of us are very attached to social media and with all this time on our hands we are scrolling more then ever. People are posting their opinions, some facts, fears, how they are enjoying this time, etc. This can be very hard on your overall mental health and it can sometimes cause more harm then good. If you are stuck inside and you are seeing people really enjoying this time then it can lead to anger. When we are constantly seeing sad things on social media then it can lead to feeling helpless and fear for our own life. We usually want to be in control of every situation and when we can’t control others then that can be very frustrating. I have really loved seeing the positive side of social media where people are sharing work outs, recipes, self-help tips, work out challenges, live concerts, and sharing different organizations or people to donate to right now. If you are really struggling mentally, then I would say take a quick break from social media and focus on the present. It is easy for me to get caught up in social media and I’ve had to really be more aware what I post lately. The last thing I want to do is make anyone upset or seem insensitive to other peoples situations. I think it is important now more then ever to really spread more positive messages on social media and to reach out to others who might be struggling. Although, know that it is okay if you are enjoying this time at home and you need to worry about yourself. Sometimes, I feel guilty because I have been enjoying this time because my Husband is finally home and I am lucky enough to have a back yard, rough over my head, food, and still have income coming in. I know that I have to see the positive because I struggle with depression and I don’t want to go down that path right now, or ever. If you are upset because you are sitting in your house complying and others are not, that is completely valid and I would urge you to send them a private message but be kind and do not lead with anger. Lets spread love and awareness but be kind the way you come about it. I am noticing a lot of anger coming out of fear and it is separating loved ones, and if anything we need to come together more then ever right now. Please be kind! Know that every state has different things in place and everyone has a different circumstance.


Face-time and Phone Calls

I have loved seeing so many people face-timing others and connecting with their friends. Most of us are social creatures and we are not used to being away from friends or family. Some of us live alone and are really struggling right now, and so it is very important to stay connected. Some people really struggle with even getting on the phone when they are depressed, so have compassion for those people and maybe send them a sweet text to check in on them. I have seen a lot of group face-times and even some people doing surprise birthday parties virtually. I have seeing A LOT of people go on Instagram live and staying connected. If being social is something you really need then this is a great time to catch up with your friends and family! Another great thing would be to go old school and mail someone a card or letter. I love writing cards and its such a great feeling receiving one!


Physical Health

This should always be important and a priority but with everything going on it should be even more important. I personally have hardly been drinking alcohol during this time because it doesn’t make me feel good, and when I am already anxious it can lead to more anxiety. I have a weak immune system and I get sick easily so it is important for me right now to stay healthy and strong. I have been making celery juice in the morning and fresh ginger, lemon ,and turmeric shots! This has been a great time to cook a ton of recipes and make healthy meals at home. Use this time to learn a new recipe and take a break from eating out. I’ve been making sure to go on walks in my neighborhood so I can physically feel good. When we look at screens for too long and are isolated inside it can be very hard on our body and mind. I encourage you to take vitamins and be very kind to your body right now.


Tackle the to-do list

Do you have a long list of things you’ve been putting off because you are so busy all the time? This can be a great time to go through your list or even make a list of things you want to get done. This can be a great time to organize your closet, file your taxes, clean the entire house (LOL), get rid of clothes to donate, work on the house, mow your lawn, write down some goals or dreams you have, write a book, read a book, work on your business plan, or anything else you have been needing to get done.


Spa Day at Home

How amazing does this sound!? This can be for men and women! Come on Men this is your time to relax and spend time with your girlfriend/wife and wind down.

  • Put a robe on or something comfy
  • Take an Epson salt bath with lavender
  • Face masks!
  • Cut some cucumber and put it on your eyes and lay down
  • Hair masks (you can even use lavender oil and coconut oil)
  • Spa music (Spotify, Insight Timer App)
  • Give each other massages

Get Creative

My best friend sent me a list of things she wants to learn and do. This is the time to learn the piano, a recipe, make a tik-tok, write a poem, paint, do a puzzle, sing, and tap into the creative side. I always miss being a kid and always doing something creative. I always felt so happy and content doing this, and as you get older we forget to do these things and we get caught up with being social and normal life demands. Use this time to finally try something you’ve been wanting to do and just be a kid again!


Give back

Do you know an elderly, disabled, or even a single mom who can’t go out to the store right now and get essentials? If you are healthy I encourage you to reach out to people, post on Facebook, text your neighbors and see if anyone needs extra assistance. Not only does this help someone else but it will also make you feel better for doing something good for someone. Right now a lot of Hospitals need face masks so you can get creative and make one if you know how to sew, or if you have one and don’t need it please donate to a local Hospital. If you are in a good financial situation help out local businesses and buy gift cards to use at a later time, or shop on their online store. You can donate food to local Food Banks because they really could use extra food to help people in need right now. Feeding America is a great source for food banks as well. You can volunteer remotely! I found an organization called Alone that you can have a companionship with the elderly remotely! You can also volunteer for the Crisis Hotline. You can donate blood with the Red Cross because there is a huge need for it right now.

Relax and do nothing

For some people this will be the only time off they will ever have and normally never get this time at home. My Husband is always traveling and working on the go. It can be difficult because we spend a lot of time apart and he always has a lot of projects he needs to get done at the house. I have really enjoyed being able to spend time with him and I really don’t know the next time we will get this much time. If you have hated seeing all these posts about work-outs and being productive and your sitting there eating a tub of ice cream and watching Netflix- THAT IS OKAY! Use this time to really catch up on sleep, rest, and take it easy! This is something that is essential and be thankful you have some time to really just chill. Do not compare your life to others and know that everyone’s journey is different.


Spread love

Most importantly, spread love to everyone right now and to yourself. Have compassion for yourself and know that you are doing the best you can do. Right now, a lot of people are struggling and have a lot of fears and so it is important to be aware and to spread positive messages and kindness. I know this can get annoying to see when you are feeling super down to see people being positive. I would always get so annoyed with my dad when he would say “THINK POSITIVE, BLAH BLAH,” when I was feeling super down and I just wanted him to be with me in my feelings and acknowledge them. Sometimes you just want to feel your feelings and be upset! That is OK! Just remember to not take it out on others and know that we are all in this together. I encourage you to start positive things on social media and see if there is anyway you can help others. It’s also okay if you are feeling happy right now and are enjoying this time! It is different for everyone so just have compassion for everyone. SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE 🙂

I hope this can help and I would love to hear some ways that help you! Please reach out if you have any questions or need any extra support. We are in this together and know this is temporary. If anything this is teaching us so much and resetting us. This is an opportunity to really look inward and heal yourself. This is a reminder that anything can happen so it is important to focus on what you can control and that is your thoughts. Self-care and Self-love are essential in everyday and maybe you will take what your learning during this time to life after the Pandemic.

Love & Light,

Tuscany

Anxiety · Mental Health · Panic Disorder · self-help · self-love

Anxiety & Panic Disorder

My story:

I have been so excited to speak on this topic because it is very special to me and I have quite a lot to say about it. Honestly, even though this post may seem like a lot- I have been through even more but by the time I tell you every single story I would have an entire book series. When I was younger I had no idea what anxiety or panic attacks were. I remember being fifteen when I had my first panic attack and I will never forget that moment. I remember feeling severe chest pain, excessive sweating, dizzy, and insane tunnel vision. I had no idea what was going on at the moment because I was so young and did not have that sort of awareness yet. This was after my grandparents who I lived with and helped raise me passed away one after another when I was starting Freshman year of High school. My dad decided to pick up and move us out of California and to North Carolina where it was cheaper. All of these huge life changes of losing my grandparents, moving, and leaving important relationships behind was very tough on a fifteen year old kid. I remember having several panic attacks my sophomore year of high-school but again, I had no idea what was going on. Shortly after living in North Carolina for a full month I moved back to California and lived with my sister. I basically told my parents I would kill myself if they kept me there with them. I was very behind in school and had to go to a continuation school in a not so great area of Orange County. I did not fit in there and felt scared most of the time. This is when depression set in and I started to go through A LOT of feelings this year. I was in a very toxic relationship with someone who was verbally and physically abusive. He would hold me down and choke me and hit my legs so people couldn’t see the bruises on my face. Force me to have sex when I didn’t want to…. I didn’t have parent supervision during this time since my parents were still in North Carolina and my sister was at work all the time. I would basically be able to do whatever I wanted and whenever. I remember wanting to be stoned so I wouldn’t have to feel what I was going through. I wanted to be completely numb to all of my feelings of fear, panic, stress, and anger. I was constantly sad and crying and I thought about killing myself regularly. I was also hanging around older people so I was introduced to a lot of different things during this time. Junior year came around and I got out of that toxic relationship by having to change my phone numbers, friends, and move from where I was living. The one thing that continued after that relationship was being on Xanax. I was introduced the previous year and I absolutely loved the way Xanax made me feel and I felt like I could handle anything when I was on it.

Senior year I started hanging out with the wrong crowds and was in another intense relationship. I also didn’t like going to school and had a lot of anxiety about facing other people. Soon after that I did independent studies which was only once a week. I graduated from a continuation school called Shores because of how behind I was in schoolwork. Thankful I graduated though! I didn’t like facing other people and having to explain to them why I was down it was really hard. I was very popular growing up and so I always felt like a lot of attention was on me and I had this image to be liked and be social. It started to become very draining being that person.

I got back together with someone from middle school who I loved a lot. He was sober at the time and I was trying to be as well. We loved each other and had a lot of great times together. Unfortunately, both of us were pretty broken and so as time went on and us being teenagers we fell into this toxic on and off relationship. A LOT of anxiety came from this relationship and created a lot of fear inside of me. The relationship really took a toll on me and many times he made me feel like I was worthless and that I would never be good enough. I lived with my mother again for a short time and that was a very toxic environment. We argued all the time and my mom was going through a lot of issues and had really bad mental health issues, and that is when the drinking started with her as well. I was constantly in survival mode and would stay at different friends houses or my boyfriends parents house. I remember having to sleep in my boyfriends car at times since his parents wouldn’t let me stay over because I had no where else to go. I never had stability and never knew when I was going to have to move, if I could afford rent, if my ex was going to leave me again, if my ex was going to upset me again, if my mom was going to be alive and well, and if my dad was going to recover from a quadruple bypass surgery or if him and I would have a relationship. Things started turning around when I was 18-19 and I moved to Santa Monica and started working for Red Bull. I met some really amazing people and this started to change my outlook on life. I felt confident and was around empowering women who lifted me up all the time. I was still dating that ex but this is when the cheating really begun and when he would cheat on me often and I would find out through his friends. He was in and out of trouble all the time so I was constantly on edge about getting a call from jail, or getting calls from his family to check how he was doing. He did a lot of really hurtful things to me that caused me a ton of anxiety and pain. A lot of verbal abuse happened in this relationship. He really tried to tear down my image of what people thought of me- but mainly he made me believe I was worthless and would never be good enough.

I will not say that I was perfect but when someone is that manipulating and puts you down, you start to believe it and then act out in certain ways for attention. Also, when you are already in such a low point in your life and don’t have self-esteem of course things are going to happen. He moved away and a few months later I followed him. I will spare all the details but he put me in a really terrible situation (I acknowledge that I did put myself there as well but still). Found out he was cheating on me, we got kicked out of the place were were staying and basically were homeless. I moved back in with my mom and had to sleep in the living room on a mattress and this was a really bad situation. My ex told his parents I stole their gas card (Even though he did- and had it the entire time and would fill up everyone’s gas tanks and trade it for money). So we were done- and I was always the one to blame! This put me in a really really dark space. He broke up with me, made his parents believed I was bad and crazy, and then I was back with my mother, and lost some really amazing friends since they didn’t agree with me moving there in the first place. I was very much in love with this person and the pain we kept putting each other through was really hard on me. Being in such a dysfunctional and intense relationship at that age really took a toll on me. I always just wanted to be loved but all I really knew was craziness and never had role models of a healthy relationship. My life was always crazy so that is exactly what I attracted into my life.

Shortly after this, “somebody” hacked my Facebook and put pictures up everywhere of me in lingerie. This was sent out to literally everyone. Family, co-workers, friends… and it was so humiliating. These photos were only for this one person- and I couldn’t believe this happened. It happened on my 20th birthday! It kept happening in and off and this was very traumatic for me. Being perceived to people as a “slut” or as someone who is worthless is a really terrible feeling. Especially when the one person you love is also telling you these things daily.

My anxiety was so bad that when I was 20 I ended up in the Hospital with stomach ulcers and a rash all over my body. I was so sick throwing up and basically pooping out a lot of blood and had to spend a week in the Hospital. I couldn’t hold down foods and was a complete wreck. I remember the Doctor being so shocked that I was only 20 but had ulcers. I knew why, because I was constantly stressing and on edge. It is crazy how connected our mind and body are! I didn’t have ways to manage my stress and I would hold a lot in. I didn’t have many people who understood me or good coping skills so it was really hard on me. When you are young and don’t understand these constant feelings of insecurity, instability, fear, and anxiety then it it easy to find ways to “not deal” with it. I would surround myself with people who partied and would go out and drink to forget how I was feeling. Sometimes I would drink too much and would end up blacking out. This led to a constant cycle of regret, fear, and non stop negative self-talk. This continued through my 20’s but I will spare you all the details but lets just say a lot of trauma happened.

I had a life altering experience happen to me about five years ago and that is when my anxiety got even worse. I will talk about this at a later post, but just know it was very traumatic and I have a lot of PTSD from it. This situation happened because of the build up of so much anxiety, panic, depression, self-doubt, and not feeling in control of my emotions and my life. I almost died in this situation and I will never forget that turning point of my life. This situation really opened my eyes and basically woke me up and kicked me in gear. After that, I moved to Georgia and moved away from the past in California. I was able to finally start dealing with all of these emotions and figure out why I was the way I was. I started to be very fearful of being in the car (because of a bad car accident), couldn’t be in party situations with previous friends, couldn’t be around certain people, and it was even hard to go into work some/most days. Even though I was away from all of my triggers, these feelings were still very much there and there was A LOT I needed to unpack and figure out.

In Georgia, we have a lot of thunderstorms and tornado warnings and scary weather situations give me extreme anxiety. I do not like situations that are out of my control and I have always been in survival mode. When you live in “fight or flight” mode for so long and you are just trying to survive- it is very hard to feel grounded and realize these fears are not in my control- but it is okay and I will be okay. I also notice there there has been many times my anxiety has been so bad about facing people when I feel down- and so I haven’t been able to go to work or complete daily tasks. It has been crippling many times… and that is when I call out “sick” but most of the time it is mentally sick… which usually isn’t as acceptable. This is why the past 6 months I’ve had to leave the corporate world and be in better jobs for my mental health.

There are a lot of situations till this day that I will have a huge panic attack over and I can’t handle life. I am constantly worried about losing the ones I love or something bad happening to them. I have been constantly worried about my parents even though it’s out of my control. I always want to control the outcome of situations, but when in reality I can only control how I respond to them. My husband travels a lot for work and I will obsess over if something happens while he is there. If I am going on a trip with girlfriends I obsess over every detail of what we are doing and I start to worry about how I will be able to handle these social situations. I have anxiety in my relationship/marriage now of whenever we would have a disagreement-if he was going to leave me. These are things that I was used to and conditioned to believe were okay. Understanding that this is not normal and to learn better ways to handle conflict. luckily, my Husband is so supportive and understanding. He knows about all of this and he has been a huge reason I have been able to heal and get better. He has loved me for me and he has treated me with so much respect, and is just such a loving and caring man. He makes me feel so confident and pushes me to be the best. I am so thankful I met such a wonderful man who I love so freaking much. He has helped me grow in so many ways.

What does Anxiety & Panic feel/look like?

FYI: I am not a Professional! These are the symptoms I have felt and personally go through. Please consult a Doctor to get evaluated 🙂

  • Over-analyzing
  • Over-reacting (You feel like you are- but do not put yourself down for this!)
  • Constant sweating
  • Constant worry of the future and past
  • Panic attacks
  • Obsessing
  • Anger
  • Frequent urination
  • High-blood pressure
  • Urge to drink water constantly
  • Feeling like you can’t breathe
  • A lot of “what if” questions
  • Hard to fall asleep, stay asleep, or sleeping too much
  • Crying
  • Taking everything personal all the time
  • Feeling not good enough
  • Feeling not in control
  • Restlessness
  • Nausea or stomach issues (mind and gut are connected)
  • Heart palpitations
  • Crying when under a lot of pressure
  • Indecisiveness
  • Having certain Phobias
  • Not being able to be around people (social anxiety)
  • Thinking of something bad happening
  • Asking a lot of questions because of the fear or what could happen
  • Living in regret
  • Isolation
  • Feeling guilt or shame

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY:

  • Don’t tell them to get over it
  • Don’t tell them not to worry
  • Don’t tell them they are freaking out for no reason
  • Don’t tell them they are creating their own reality with these worries
  • Don’t tell them they have nothing to worry about
  • Don’t tell them to chill out
  • Don’t tell them how they should feel
  • Don’t tell them “it’s no big deal”

Managing my Anxiety & Panic attacks

“Your Anxiety was your companion to survival when you needed it”- Athena

I will tell you right now that I am still working on it because it is something I will ALWAYS have to work on. This is apart of me and this will not just go away, BUT I have found ways to manage it and be able to live my life and not keep myself in my room all the time. My anxiety led to a lot of isolation and then that would lead to depression. I get very lonely and a lot of past emotions are stuck deep down inside of me. These mental illnesses are so intertwined because it is a chain affect. I would get anxiety about going out with my Dad but then the next day I would feel regret for not going, and be like “what if something happens to him” which that fear still is going, and then I would continue to not make plans with people, and then depression would set it. I would be sad that I wouldn’t see people I love and be upset at myself for not going. It was a constant cycle and I have started to acknowledge these feelings but accept them. It is okay if I don’t feel like going somewhere- and not to force myself to do things I don’t want to do. My intuition is so strong and anxiety is my intuitions way of telling me the situation is not good for me and to also honor when I am tired and need to stay home and rest. The people who love you should understand!

Therapy has been a huge help in me managing anxiety and I highly suggest it for people. I started with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which retrains your mind to go in a different direction. You discuss different situation and they give you the tools on how to understand why you are thinking a certain way, actually process it, and then change your way of thinking. I started going to therapy once a week for 4 years so believe me it really takes time and patience with yourself. I no longer hide these fears and I think it is very important to honor yourself and not put yourself in situations you do not want to be in. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH is important and if someone is a threat to that then you need to set boundaries or discontinue the relationship. I also started to cut out people who were bad for my mental health and only surround myself with people who I could be my true self with. For so long, I wanted all these friends and people to like me but now I’ve learned that I would rather have fewer friends who won’t judge me or make me feel less then. Being around people you can be honest with and who really love you is very important. When you have a great support system and ones who understand your mental health- then it really helps. I am so thankful for some of my friends because they know I have anxiety and so when I start to get anxious and ask a lot of questions- or if I disappear and don’t talk to them, they understand and will not cut me off for it. They will check on me and ask how I am doing and genuinely care about how I am. I have been practicing yoga for 10 years but let me tell you when I constantly go to yoga, then my anxiety and panic are a lot less. I feel a lot more confident and I can manage my stress better- so I highly recommend trying if you haven’t yet!

I know that I have went through a lot in my life and it all started at such a young age. I never had stability or people to count on when I needed them the most. I quickly got into bad relationships with people who I wanted to “complete me” and then would end up lowering my worth to people who did not deserve it. Always being in survival mode and having to just continue to make money to pay bills and to survive really took over my life. I wasn’t able to just be a kid and always had to be the responsible one for MYSELF to survive. I was a parent to my own parents when I needed parents the most. This is why I wasn’t able to truly process what I have been through and why so much built up. Even though I have stability now in my life and my own house- I still unintentionally have fears and things I worry about. When you use anxiety to survive most of your life then you are used to those ways of handling/ thinking about situations. I am so thankful now that therapy has given me the tools to finally deal with these things and to completely transform my life. I have more acceptance when it comes to my parents, and am starting to learn that they had their own issues they were dealing with. They loved me but they both had depression and other issues and it was difficult for them to even love themselves. I think when we start to have compassion for people and start to understand why they do or don’t do things, then we can actually learn forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt not having them there for me when I needed it, or that I didn’t need more structure from them- or that certain relationships that treated me badly didn’t freaking hurt to my core (or that I’m making excuses for them) but in order for me to heal it is about forgiveness and having empathy for others. I have truly forgiven my ex for all of the hurt and we’ve actually had discussions about things at an older age and I feel a lot of closure and I use it as a learning experience. I’m thankful for these experiences because it’s made me who I am today. I am starting to listen to myself more and be grateful for all of these experiences. I know what is best for my life and SO DO YOU. I have forgiven myself for putting myself in bad situations and lowering my standards. I have forgiven myself for being a certain way and not treating myself good. Never let anyone tell you how to handle your life or that you don’t deserve greatness, because you DO! I am very grateful for all of the challenges because now I am able to help others and share my stories.

What helps my Anxiety?

(FYI, I am now an Affiliate with Amazon! All of my recommendations will be highlighted as a link. Click that link and it will go directly to the product I recommend from Amazon)

  • Knowledge of anxiety- and knowing the symptoms and how to overcome them
  • Therapy
  • Mindfulness
  • DBT workbook: Click on that for the direct link to Amazon. This gives you a bunch of exercises and teaches you mindfulness and what your triggers are/ and how to overcome them
  • Yoga (helps sooo much!)
  • Meditation: There are a lot of great apps out there! I love Insight timer
  • Journals. Here are some I recommend, Zen as F*ck: A Journal for Practicing the mindful art of not giving a Sh*it, The Anxiety Journal, Present, Not Perfect: A Journal for slowing down, letting go, and loving who you are, The Mindfulness Journal for Anxiety:Daily prompts and practices to find peace
  • Diet adjustments- Whenever I eat clean and healthy I have less anxiety and feel a lot better. Too much fast food and salt make me feel worse
  • Less Caffeine: I have switched to matcha green tea or pure green tea
  • Check out my website with Arbonne (click this link to go directly to my site and purchase) I LOVE the energy fizz sticks and they don’t give me anxiety after drinking them
  • CBD Oil: I am an affiliate with this brand click the CBD oil link to go directly to the product
  • Herbal remedies: St John’s Wart, Magnesium, Valerian root, L-Theanine, B Complex, Ashwagandha, Melatonin, Fish oil
  • Probiotics: The gut is very connected to your mind…healthy gut/healthy mind 🙂 Grass fed Collagen Peptides with Type 1 & 3 Probiotics from Garden of Life
  • Take baths! Dr. Teal Epsom salt soaking solution Lavender
  • Essential Oils! I love lavender oil and I keep a diffuser next to my bed when I sleep and one at my desk
  • Weighted blankets if you get anxiety at night time
  • Medication: I had to use medication like SSRI’s for awhile which help with anxiety and depression, sleeping medication, & medication for panic attacks (Please discuss with a professional about this)
  • Support groups: There are so many support groups online. I love Peak of Panic. I am in a group me with 300 others and you can talk about how you are feeling that day- and share stories and share tips to others. Follow her on Instagram and ask to join her group
  • Being more assertive: Speak up about your boundaries and expectations for others. Let people know your triggers and how you feel about certain things. This has helped me a lot!
  • Get enough sleep
  • COLD RAGS! When I have a panic attack and get really hot..then I love getting a rag and making it wet and putting it either on my forehead or back of neck…it really soothes me
  • List your fears and put them in order. Least to worst: and explain why these are your fears? It is nice to have it down on paper to really see what is going on
  • Have a good support system of people you can trust and rely on
  • A schedule: Having a schedule really helps me but I can’t overwork myself or else I get too stressed and my anxiety builds up
  • Time management: Give yourself an extra 15 min in the morning to wake up. Whenever I rush out the door then my anxiety doubles and I start to get angry
  • Don’t put yourself in situations you don’t want to be in: YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not doing something
  • When having a panic attack: Take control of your breathing and start counting to 50. Keep your mind focused on your breath. Breathe, touch, and smell. Use your basic senses and use whatever you have to get your mind to focus on that- instead of the worry
  • Walking: Walking at least 4-5 times a week has helped me so much. Being out in nature really calms my mind and exercise is really good for anxiety
  • Do not drink: I know whenever I drink alcohol it makes me feel worse and can lead to a lot of anxiety
  • Make lists of what you need to get done
  • Set time out of everyday to take at least 5-10 minutes to be with yourself and breathe
  • Have compassion with yourself

Books I recommend:

Clink the links to go directly to Amazon to purchase

I believe in you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I really hope that my story can help you feel less alone in this. I am always here if you need extra support or have any questions. You are not alone in this and you can manage this with the right help. Do not be afraid to ask for help! Speak up to people and let them know what you are going through. Take deep breaths. Also, I would love to hear from you and your experiences with anxiety. I am here if you want to share your story! 🙂

Love & light,

Tuscany