Mental Health · self-help · self-love · Uncategorized

8 Ways to Deal With Negative Thoughts

You wake up in the morning but you are rushing because you snoozed for the last hour. The night before, you planned on getting up early, drinking some cucumber and lemon water, stretching, walking the dog, and having time to get ready for yoga. That snooze button just was too easy and the bed was too comfortable to get out of. Yoga is in 20 minutes so you rush out of bed, eat a piece of toast, don’t even brush your hair or teeth, and basically throw clothes on and rush out the door. Already, you are anxious because you have 10 minutes to get to class before it starts. You are upset because you planned to have a good morning and to start it off right but that dang snooze button got the best of you! On the drive, you are talking so negatively about yourself and upset that you didn’t just get up. You get to class with 1 minute to spare and to your luck, the only spot left is in the very front and center of the class. GREAT just to my luck this would happen! The negative thoughts start creeping in… “This is going to suck,” “What if I get sick and can’t lay down,” What if I can’t keep up with the entire class since I haven’t been in a month,” ” I am front and center so I have to keep up or else I will look weak,” “I work here so I have to be a good yoga role model to the other students and to the ones online,” “I am scared I won’t do well,” “I am so mad about myself for not getting up earlier to get in a different spot.” The mind is going wild with so much negative thinking before the class has even started.

Instead of continuing this negative thinking and letting this mindset completely ruin the next 75 minutes of this hot yoga class, you make a huge shift in your thoughts! You start to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I got this,” “I am strong,” “I don’t have to be perfect,” “I am thankful I made it to the mat,” “I showed up and didn’t fully bail on class,” “I just have to breathe and take it a step at a time,” and just like that… feel strong, brave, happy, excited, and you take on the entire 75 minute class like a rock star! What a concept right? If we switch our negative thoughts and start speaking positive affirmations then it can completely transform how you feel about a situation.

Does this happen to you? Do you have moments before going into a situation and you completely already talk yourself out of it before you even had a chance to attempt? This happens to me A LOT! I don’t know if it stems from my anxiety, depression, or lack of self-confidence and trust in good things to actually happen. Along the way, there have probably been situations in your life where you have been let down. Instead of letting yourself down without fully knowing the situation yet, you tell yourself that it already isn’t going to work, so no big deal. This can be a defense mechanism and a reaction to replaying past events and worrying about the future. Unfortunately, these negative thoughts really take a toll and can hold you back from enjoying life experiences, distract you from focusing on what’s really important, make you feel anxious and depressed, and drain your energy. 

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavior therapy or CBT is a psychological treatment that can be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol, and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness. CBT helps you manage stress and anxiety by learning relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, coping self-talk, identifying situations that are often avoided and gradually approaching feared situations. This type of therapy is focused on present problems and is works with problem-orientated situations.  A great resource to find a therapist in your area that does CBT is searching on Psychology Today online.

Cognitive Therapy Exercise:

(My Psychology teacher gave us this example of what a Cognitive Therapy Exercise looks like so feel free to answer these questions for your own personal reflection)

  • I often worry that I _____
  • What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen? What do you fear most of all?
  • When you think the worst thing that could happen, do you really think that it’s likely to happen? If so, How could you learn to cope with it?
  • I accept myself even though I ____ (do not use the word “am”)

2. Recognizing where your thought distortions are coming from

When you can recognize the core of where these negative thoughts stem from then it can be very beneficial. We tend to tell ourselves these stories of things that are really not true and these inaccurate thoughts can reinforce negative thinking. When we can really recognize them then we can challenge them.

  • Personalizing: Assuming you are to blame for anything that goes wrong. When someone doesn’t say hello to you in the morning at work and you feel that it is your fault and you must have done something to upset him/her. When really, it is more likely that person is having a hard morning and it has nothing to do personally against you.
  • Black and white thinking: Seeing things as one way or another with no in between.
  • Filter thinking: Choosing to see only the negative of a situation
  • Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst possible outcome is going to happen.

References: Psychology Today

3. Questioning your thoughts

We tend to make up stories in our heads and these stories become what we think is true. When we can step back and look at a different perspective then we can try to see the full picture and defuse the negative thoughts. If a good friend was telling you a story how would you react to what they were telling you? Try to put yourself in someone’s shoes and see if that can help.

Ask yourself:

  • Is this thought true?
  • Is this thought important?
  • Is this thought helpful?

4. Separate from negative thoughts

It is important to try and take breaks from negative thoughts and put in positive ones instead. I know this can be difficult and honestly it really takes practice, patience, self-awareness, and time. Take control of your thoughts and allow yourself a few minutes with the thought but then take a break and start focusing on something positive. When we spend too much time on these negative thoughts then they can completely take over and consume us, to the point we start to believe they are actually true.

5. Let go of the judgment!

I know it can be so easy to judge ourselves and put ourselves down without even realizing it. I feel like it is even harder now a days because of social media and social comparison. This happens to me especially while scrolling through my Instagram feed! I see how people are handling their Instagram for blogs and think wow mine sucks, it could be so much better! These people get to travel the world, ugh, I will never get to do that! I will never be that skinny! I feel so fat! I won’t ever get that promotion! I feel like all of us do this without even realizing sometimes and this can have a huge impact on your negative thought patterns. When you start to have these thoughts recognize your reaction to them, observe it, and then let it go. Another way, is when you are noticing you are judging yourself or someone else in a negative light then start to look for a positive quality as well.

6. Gratitude!

Practicing gratitude is by far one of the biggest helps when it comes to negative self-talk. I highly recommend meditation, writing in a journal, and yoga. These three things have helped me so much because you get time with yourself to really take a step back and be with your thoughts. You actually feel your breath and your heart beat. I always feel so grateful to even be alive and to be able to breathe. It’s those little things that can really put everything in perspective and help you see the bigger picture.

7. Starting the day with affirmations

I work at a yoga studio and one of the students I talk to could feel that I was very stressed. I was very stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. The next day, she gave me a note card with these journal prompts and affirmations and told me to give it a try. At first, I was like how will I have time to do this first thing in the AM? As we heard above I LOVE to snooze my alarm and usually am running late. What if I got up a little earlier and spent 5 min or less answering these questions? Well, I did and let me tell you it really did set the tone for the day and I encourage you to give them a try!

8. Focus on what your strengths are

I know it can be difficult to focus on what you are good at and especially because you don’t want to sound conceded. But let me tell you, it is okay to talk good about yourself and be confident! It is human nature to dwell on the negative and overlook the positive sometimes, but the more you practice focusing on your strengths and how to move forward then the easier it will be to feel positive about yourself. Sometimes, we look into the past and can be upset of how we handled situations, who we surrounded ourselves with, and any thing that has happened that has made us feel less then. I know it is easier said then done but you have to forgive yourself and know that you made that decision for a reason. Every single life decision happens for us and leads us on the right path. When we can be more self-aware and think, “I put myself in that situation because I didn’t have the healthy coping skills as a teen and that is the way I got by.” Sometimes, we didn’t know better or maybe didn’t even have a choice. That is okay! Love every single inch of you and your heart.

I want you to know that I am posting this because I have a really hard time with negative thought patterns. I don’t even realize how much I am negative but I am a lot. The other day, I was driving to the dog park with my Husband and I said, “I really have to go to the bathroom.” He said, “There is a bathroom there we will be there soon.” and then I said “No, they are probably closed because of COVID.” See what I did? I didn’t even wait until we got there to actually see and instead already made up my mind that they were closed! Did I do this to protect myself in case there really wasn’t and I peed my pants? Probably! There are a lot of situations like that where I always shut things down right away without giving it a chance. I know that this will take effort and practice and honestly will probably be a forever thing to work on. The thing is, if we can work at it little by little and realize that we are doing this and why then that makes all the difference. I would love to hear your thoughts below and I really hope this helps!

Love & Light,


Here is me after Yoga this morning feeling AMAZING!

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Coping with loss around the Holidays

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading and I am excited to share more with you. The holidays are fun filled with family, love, lights, traveling, and magic. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday because it brings everybody together, but because I grew up in a house who went all out for it. For those of you who may not know, I lived with my grandparents as a kid and until I was fifteen years old. Boy, did they spoil me always but especially for Christmas. My grandma loved Christmas and she had the tree fully decorated, the village set up, musical Santa out, and basically the whole house was filled with Christmas joy! Growing up my sister would come stay the night Christmas eve, and we would bond and be excited for the next morning. Christmas morning came and my dad would get on the loud speaker (that went into each room) for us to get up at 6 AM! We thought this was crazy because we just wanted to sleep in, but we smelled breakfast so we decided to get up. We had so many great memories like this and thinking back it makes me so thankful I had a great childhood filled with love.

Time went on and it was the year 2004…I was a freshman in high-school and so excited to start this next journey. My grandpa had Parkinson’s disease and slowly he was getting worse. He passed in October 2004, and a week later my grandma had a stroke and was unable to speak and bed ridden. I will never forget after my grandpa passed going to the hospital and seeing him laying there, but his spirit already gone. My grandma was at the hospital at the same time, and I ran up to her floor and crawled into bed with her and started crying. I remember her telling me how much he loved me and how I kept him alive longer, and no matter what happens they will both always be looking after me. I felt so much comfort in this moment but I was so young I had no idea what to expect next. My grandma had her first stroke shortly after, and was in the hospital until she passed. It was Christmas eve and I remember my sister Heather spending the night and we were sleeping in my bunk beds. It was 4 AM on Christmas morning, and my dad and mom wake us up. Usually, this means Santa is here and we need to wake up for Christmas. This time, it was them telling us grandma just passed away. I remember us being quiet as my parents left the room, and we both started sobbing silently. How ironic? My grandma’s favorite holiday and she was sent to heaven the same day.

After that, my life changed forever and so did my family. Being so young and not understanding loss was very difficult. We had to move and so many other factors which I will post more about in another post.

After this, I started to get very close to my grandma’s best friend Duffy. She knew me since I was a little girl and she was the sweetest. Most of her family lived far so I started to come see her more often, and we became best friends. This bond started to form when I was 18 and we started to spend more and more time together. I would go over there and help her with the day to day, and watch the Bachelor with her (Yes that’s where my love of the show came from LOL)

Duffy was in her 90’s but she was such a strong lady and had so much wisdom. She knew everything about me and we would talk for hours. It was so nice to be a little older and be able to listen to the amazing stories she had to tell, and be able to remember the advice she gave me. That is something that was so hard for me when I lost my grandparents….is that I was so young that I hardly remember the stories or the day to day. Luckily, my grandma took a TON of photos so I can always look back and remember that moment.

Years passed by and I spent so much time with Duffy..times where I would sleep on her 100 year old couch that was so small but I did not mind. The ironic thing is, she always thanked me for helping her but what she didn’t know is how much she was helping me. I finally had a chance as an adult to spend time with an elder and learn, grow, and be loved so deeply by someone. A grandparents love is so rare and something I cannot describe. She gave me something to live for and gave me hope…She believed in me so I never wanted to let her down. She passed away a few days before Christmas in 2014. Christmas again!? Right!

I wanted to share this because I know so many of you have lost someone close to you, and some around the Holiday’s. Whether you lost them during the holidays, or you are now spending the holiday’s without them….I know this isn’t easy, and it might not ever be the same.

It is so hard to be without that special person and it hurts A LOT…So feel that hurt, grieve, cry, and do whatever you need to do to heal. I will say that I still have moments where I cry and wish they were here. Although, I will say they are always with me and I believe in keeping little keepsakes with you so they are still there. I have a Christmas stocking my grandma made me as a kid and I still keep that near ever Christmas. Do whatever you need to do to feel them close, and know that you are not alone. I do wanna say, keep doing those things they did and keep their spirit going…. they would love to see that ❤️

I wanted to send so much love to all of you and especially to the ones spending this holiday grieving a loss. You are not alone, and I see you and I love you.

Happy Holidays everyone and have a very Merry Christmas!

Love & Light,


Me, Dad, Grandma, & Grandpa
Duffy ❤
Me as a kid 🙂

My First Blog Post: The Winter Solstice Celebration 2019

Hello beautiful souls! Thank you for reading my very first blog post wooo! I wanted to kick off my blog by sharing an amazing experience I had last night at my yoga studio. So what is the Winter Solstice? The Winter Solstice symbolizes death and rebirth-new beginnings and fresh starts. It is the shortest day/longest night of the year. We are ending 2019 but also a DECADE! The event took place at my yoga studio called Ember Yoga and it was led by a wonderful teacher Marie. I had no idea what to expect because this was my first time ever attending a solstice event. There was a room with people putting glow and the dark body paint on because the yoga room had black lamps so we could flow and glow. The studio was filled with many people and the room started to fill up as the time got closer. The event starts and we are given a piece of paper and told to write on one side things we want to let go and that no longer serve us. On the other side, we write things we want for 2020 and what we want to feel, be, or accomplish. Setting intentions and getting clear about what we want to see happen. Then, we rip the paper up in pieces and throw it away!

The room gets dark and surrounding me are many yogis and everybody is glowing. The music starts and the energy was so strong and powerful. Here we go, time for 108 Sun Salutations. The reason for 108 is because it is a sacred number in Hinduism and yoga, and traditionally mala beads come on a string with 108 beads, and the 108 beads turn like the planets around the sun. Basically, we just kept moving through these with no breaks and flowed through the salutations. I felt like I did a million push-ups and my arms were about to give out, and my head started spinning halfway. WOW, this is physically challenging and did not expect it to be this hard. I pushed myself to keep going and to breathe through movements, and all of a sudden all sorts of emotions came up from the past year and decade. I felt my body releasing the pain, sadness, doubt, anxiety, and every emotion that I have experienced. I took a moment in a child’s pose because WOW my arms were already shaking. I gave myself a few moments but got up and kept going because I told myself, “TUSCANY YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE CAPABLE, YOU HAVE MADE IT THROUGH SO MUCH THIS YEAR, AND DECADE, SO KEEP GOING!” I chanted this through my head and I completed it! We laid in Savasana, which is the best pose because you are basically lying down and relaxing the body and mind. We had a good amount of time in this and as we start to meditate I start balling my eyes out. All of these emotions came up and I could not stop crying. I let it flow and let it out because all that was stored in my body and clearly releasing, and I realized this is the point. Towards the end, the tears ended and I had a huge smile on my face.

I smiled because I completed such a challenging class but also because I made it through a challenging year, and DECADE! I am so proud of myself for all that I have made it through, and it is just making me stronger and wiser. I am so excited for 2020 and I truly feel like this next year will be a great one. I am grateful for the yoga studio for helping me heal, release, breathe, focus, love, stretch, connect, and for helping me manage my anxiety and depression.

I would love to hear your experiences with a solstice event, yoga, meditation, or anything you might want to let go of in 2019 that no longer serves you. I highly recommend doing the writing exercise on a piece of paper and writing what no longer serves you, and what you hope for in 2020. Thank you for reading and I look forward to sharing more stories with you. I appreciate you taking the time to read. Please subscribe below and share it with your friends and family. Namaste<3

Love & Light,


Winter Solstice @ Ember Yoga 2019
Marie led a beautiful class
108 Sun Salutations