The day before I turn 30

Wow….I can’t believe I am sitting here writing this as I approach being 30 years old! My birthday is tomorrow and I am just really excited, overwhelmed, and in shock that I made it to 30. If I could tell my younger self this is what 30 would feel like then I wouldn’t have been so stressed about it when I was younger. Everybody has different life experiences and different expectations for themselves. I remember being younger and thinking, “by the time I am 30 I will be married with kids and rich and in my career!” That was the common goal for some people and for others it was just getting through the next day. I thought 30 was this magical number and that I would be so old. I sit here now thinking how 30 is still SO young. 30 is different then 20 though in a lot of ways….I definitely have way more self-awareness and experiences under my belt. My 20’s were a gradual stepping stone of learning lessons and growth. We step into our 20’s thinking we are more adult but really we are still very much a kid. For awhile, life was about partying and turning 21 and going to Vegas. I always thought that I needed to figure out life in my 20’s and sometimes would be down on myself for not accomplishing certain things yet. We are all on our own path and everybody has a different agenda.

School…when it comes to college I am still in school and sometimes I sit there and feel weird being this age still in school. I think it is easy to sit there and compare ourselves to others and where we are at in our journey. We have to remember that we are on the right path and that this path was meant for us and only us. The only person who can judge us is ourselves. It took me awhile to learn that because I would constantly compare myself to my friends who have graduated and be upset that I haven’t. The thing is I am so thankful I am still pushing for an education and working hard because my life could have went a different direction. Some of my friends who have graduated and are in their “career” aren’t even sure if that’s what they want to do. Everybody is struggling with figuring something out so if you feel this way just know you are not alone.

I started my 20’s being broken, lost, confused, hurt, curious, heartbroken, unhealthy, and in a lot of pain. I wish I could have told my 20 year old self that none of that would have mattered and that I would be okay. I mean everything mattered and it all helped shape who I am but I wish I would have went a little easier on myself and told myself I would see the happy other side of life eventually.

My 20’s

Lets talk about friends.…In my 20’s my friends were everything to me and I put a lot energy into this. I had a girl group but I also had many friends from all over the place. I really enjoyed learning and growing with my friends but even if some people aren’t in this next journey of mine I will always appreciate them and have love for them. My sister always told me when you make it to your 30’s you will have a few friends you can count on. She was so right! I am lucky to have a lot of good people but if it really came down to it I realized I would have a few I could for sure 100% count on. I realized quality over quantity is the most important. This is the time where we need to make choices for ourselves and notice who brings value into our life. Who wants to grow with us and who appreciates us and puts in the effort. It is okay to let people go and it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic thing. You can slowly drift and that is okay! I really worried about this a lot when I moved to Georgia because I so badly wanted to hold onto who I had. I tried so hard to hold onto them but then I realized how miserable they actually made me, and how it is more stress then actual enjoyment. We can’t hold onto the past. I would continue to post throwback photos and be sad and miss people from the past, but I realized I needed to see who was in my life RIGHT NOW and focus on that. I focused so hard on making friends in Georgia and let me tell you I know it is important to have friends. I tried so hard to meet quality people and sometimes comprise who I am and what I am looking for in a friend, just to have an actual friend. Sometimes I feel so desperate which is so weird for me because I never had a problem making friends when I was growing up. I realized everybody already has their circles here and groups- and sometimes someone new doesn’t fit into that. I am thankful for the ones who have embraced me and the few who really have been amazing to me. I am starting to accept that I won’t always fit into new circles and I don’t need to beg someone to hang out with me or to be my friend.

Marriage….I am married but that is something I wasn’t sure I would do by the time I was 30 or not or ever. For those who aren’t married yet, do not feel pressured by society and think you have to be. Do not just marry someone to be married and take your time. For the ones who have married young, that is okay too! Everyone is on their own journey. Just know the right person will come along. I think we meet different loves at different times of our lives. I also think the right love comes along once we have learned to truly love ourselves. Know that once you get married the real work begins and do not stop working on yourself…this is when you need to work on yourself the most!

Children.…this is the one that is probably getting to me the most. Obviously, I feel my biological clock ticking as they would say and I know safety concerns go up as time goes on. I do feel pressure in a sense to have children soon because of my age. Although, there are so many other things I have had to figure out before that moment and make sure I can get through school first. My goal was to always finish school first. I think society pressures people to settle down and have a family at a young age. I have noticed in Georgia people settle down a lot sooner, like when they are 20-22 which really amazes me. I think there is so much still to learn and life and so much more to do! In California, I notice people are scared to settle down and they wait well past their 30’s. It really is interesting to me how your direct culture can have an impact on your decisions. I know when the time is right it will happen and I will be so excited to be a mama. I praise all moms out there and want you to know you are doing an awesome job!! I know it is not an easy job and honestly I am terrified of it.

Hangovers…let me just tell you that you do not recover as quickly as you would in your 20’s! IT IS A LOT HARDER! They last for days and you have so many responsibilities it is near impossible to actually party without struggling for days on end. Anyone else feel me on this one!? The thing is, I have noticed with age that I really don’t enjoy drinking anymore. My body rejects it and never feels good after. I have actually enjoyed life without it and feel that I am happier and healthier when I don’t drink. To the ones who can still manage to party like a rock star GOOD FOR YOU…I really envy you haha! COCONUT WATER is an amazing hangover cure and drinking water after every alcoholic drink.

Goals...I had a lot of goals before I turned 30 and let me tell you I have knocked a lot of the list. I finally had my first trip out of the United States WOO! I keep adding to my goals and it is okay if I haven’t hit them all because this is just the beginning. I told myself I would start writing a book when I turned 30- and I have basically started with this blog but can’t wait to go deeper with that. Don’t be down on yourself if you haven’t checked all the boxes- you have so much more time but I encourage you to write some stuff down…I love writing lists and crossing it off when I complete it…feels so accomplishing!

Boundaries…. This has probably been the biggest learning lesson in my entire life. It was always very hard for me because I wanted to please everyone before myself. I would put my needs aside and tend to what others wanted and what their expectations were. I would get emotionally invested into so much drama between family and friends…only to be sitting there upset, while everyone else moved on and was fine. I realized that there is a lot we should stay out of and let people work it out for themselves. That is hard for someone who has major empathy like me and physically feels pain when others do. The thing is, I am much happier now that I have set boundaries and I have started honoring myself and my needs. I think this is something that comes with time and experience.

The fear of aging….this is a big one! I am starting to notice wrinkles and sun spots and wondering why I didn’t take better care of my skin when I was younger? Why didn’t I wear sunscreen and wanted to be tan and look good? Botox is becoming a bigger subject now…I have even had it once in my forehead because of my wrinkles. I get it girls it definitely helps! I am noticing that it feels harder to lose weight and I am not a size 0-2 anymore. I definitely have fear about physically aging but I think it is important to use this as a wake up call to really take care of yourself. I have so much more knowledge now then I did before, and now I can work on my health from the inside and out. Love all of your scars and your body no matter the size or wrinkles.

Enjoy every moment….I am realizing how quickly time is going and the fact I am about to be 30 really makes me excited but freaked out at the same time. Where is time going? Enjoy every moment and enjoy the ones you love. For a lot of us at this age, we might still have parents around or if your lucky even some grandparents- I encourage you to soak up every minute and spend time with each other. Life is crazy and we honestly never know how long we have with someone.

If you are younger then me I want to say do not be hard on yourself and don’t compare yourself to others. Be proud of where you are and know that the hard times will pass. Understand that everybody has struggles and this will make you stronger.

This is me now 🙂

I am extremely grateful to make it to 30 and I am thankful to be alive. Some people don’t even make it this far and so I feel very fortune to have this chance at life. My hope is to better myself every single day and keep building a strong foundation. I feel like I have so much more to do and so much to see. I can’t wait to become a therapist, yoga instructor, and to write a book (or multiple). I can’t wait to become a mother and to have a family. I can’t wait to just keep growing and see what this next era has in store for me.There are so many things in my 30’s that I am looking forward to and I have so much hope having more awareness then I did before. I am lucky I have been through some hard times because it has given me a different perspective on life and is guiding me to the next chapter. Your 30’s are a significant milestone and I really do feel like I am stepping into a new era of me.

Life Lessons from Tusk:

• Life can be really tough but use it as a learning experience
• Others treat you the way you treat yourself
• Everything is temporary
• Beneath anger is always fear
• Happiness is a choice and requires a lot of hard work
• You will get through your struggles
• Take risks
• Listen to your gut, instincts are always trying to lead us in the right direction
• Don’t beg for others attention
• Do not change who you are to fit what others want you to be
• Fall in love, get hurt, but fall in love again. Don’t be afraid to love again!
• Don’t put your entire worth into another person
• Accept every hardship and appreciate them
• Surround yourself with loving and supportive people who have your best interest at heart
• Don’t worry about being popular
• Save money!
• Eat healthy and take care of your body- but don’t be afraid to eat and indulge
• Work towards your goals/dreams
• STOP HAVING FOMO! I had this for so long- but instead I enjoy missing out sometimes and being content and thankful for where you currently are
• Book that trip!
• Do not base your self-worth and identity off Instagram models and influencers- have your own identity and embrace it
• Do what you want to do and don’t let others sway your decisions
• Have great girlfriends
• WEAR SUNSCREEN
• Go for your passions
• Spend time with family
• Take your mental health seriously and make it a priority. Do not be ashamed of feeling anxious, depressed, or down.
• Ask for help
• Every set back is leading you in the right direction
• Make time to learn something new and to better yourself
• Show appreciation for others and be kind
• Take moments to yourself and focus on healing YOU
• Don’t think you can fix anyone…they have to be willing to do the work and fix themselves
• Marriage should not be the end goal because it is when the work actually begins on a deeper level
• COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY
• TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS
• Don’t drink and drive!
• Say how you feel and don’t hold it in but be kind about it and not project anger
• If you miss someone then text them and reach out- You never know how much someone appreciates this
• Step out of your comfort zone
• Write thank you cards…people really appreciate it!
• Don’t waste money on clothes or new trends

As in Tuscany’s famous words:

LIVE……LAUGH……LOVE………

I can’t wait to step into this new era and in 10 years talk about what all happens next…I am extremely grateful for life every single day. I am thankful for all of the lessons, people, experiences, and every moment that has happened in my life. I am so excited for this next chapter…..bring it on 30!!!

Love and Light,

Tuscany